


Roman's Angel

by LullabyForDead



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LullabyForDead/pseuds/LullabyForDead
Summary: Roman is head over heels in love, with his classmate, his angel, Dean Ambrose. Except only one problem...He know hardly anything about him, and is afraid to talk to him. His angel is a mystery to him. Will he ever learn more about him? Will Dean feel the same for him?
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Roman Reigns
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Some of you will remember from ff.net & some of you won't. I have decided to finally start posting my stories here on AO3. I have remained faith to ff.net for a long time and never thought I would upload my stuff on here, but here we are. My username is the same on ff.net as it is here, so if you want to check out my other stuff, just search me up on there. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm only uploading this story on here for now, which is called Roman's Angel. It's one that I am in the process of still working on. About fifteen chapters into it. I'll upload first chapters on here, then and see what everyone thinks. Please leave a like or comment on this. Any sort of love or criticism is welcome. I hope that you all enjoy it!

It was 7:37 AM in the morning, middle of October. To everyone else, it was just another day of going to school. But to Roman Reigns, it was the only time that he got to see him. His angel.

A cold shiver ran down his spine and he huddled himself more into his jacket. He was waiting outside, waiting for him arrive. He sat on one of the park's benches, hoping he would see him soon. He would have to go inside soon, for it was almost time for school to begin.

More students were starting to show up, most of them heading inside the school building across the street. Some stood nearby, gossiping, laughing with each other, talking about other students and teachers that they disliked. Some getting high off of pot and some play fighting with each other.

Amongst the other students, sitting up against a tree, writing or drawing something in a notebook, was him. A smile graced Roman's face. His angel was finally here.

He was wearing the same clothes that Roman had noticed on him before many times. A black leather jacket, which he probably had on a black or grey shirt underneath. Jeans with holes at the knees. A beanie hat, which covered most of his hair, except a few blonde strands over his eyes. His eyes were a light shade blue.

Currently those blue eyes were focused on whatever he was working on in his notebook. Roman had never seen what he wrote or drew in it. At times he wanted to ask what was in it, except it that would be awkward since they have never once spoken to each other. Only passed each other in the hallways, or seen each other in classes.

His angel was a mystery to him. He didn't know much about him. All he knew was that he never really spoke to anyone in school, kept to himself, always creating something in that notebook of his. He also knew his name, thankfully to a few teachers calling on him in some of his classes.

His name was Dean Ambrose. And Roman had a huge crush on him. In fact, he was head over heels in love with him, and had started referring to him as his angel. It might have seemed stupid to others, to be in love with someone you hardly knew. But, what Roman felt in his heart for him was true. The whole mystery that Dean Ambrose was just made him fall more and more for him.

He stared at him from afar, admiring him. There was a small smile on his face. His angel looked to be at peace, not bothered by anything going on around him. Not even once noticing Roman staring at him.

Roman just wanted to go up to him and kiss him. But, that probably wouldn't end up good. He had to force himself to just sit there, and watch him from a distance. Knowing that his love might go unrequited. Knowing that there was no chance of ever being with him.

_'I want to, so badly...but I can't tell you.'_

"You know, he's going to think you're a creep for staring at him."

Roman turned around, hearing the voice of his best friend, Seth Rollins. He held two cups of coffee in his hands, waiting for Roman to take one of them.

"Oh. Hi, Seth. I didn't notice that you were here." He said, taking one of the cups from him.

The two-toned teenager rolled his eyes. "You never notice me when your Juliet is around." He sat down on the bench with him. "So, what's he up to this time?"

"Creating something in his notebook." Roman said, turning his eyes back to Dean. A blush crept up on his cheeks. "He's so beautiful..."

"Maybe you should stop acting like some lovesick puppy, and go talk to him."

"And what would I say?"

"Ask him about what he's drawing or writing in that notebook of his."

"I don't want to intrude. That could be private." Dean had now closed his notebook, standing up. Putting the backpack he had back on his shoulder and wrapping the scarf he wore more tightly around himself.

Roman couldn't help but to feel concerned. "I hope he doesn't get sick...Looks like he might be cold."

"Why don't you go over there then and warm him up?"

"And get myself punched in the face?"

"You know it'll be worth it, just to feel his body against yours once."

"Don't make me think about it...The more I do, the more my heart yearns for him."

"You're such a pussy." That earned Seth a glare from him. Seth suddenly started yelling. "Hey! My friend here likes your butt!"

Roman put a hand over his mouth. Luckily, Dean was too far away to hear what Seth had said.

He took his hand off of Seth's mouth. "Can you not do that?"

"What? Play cupid here?" Seth smiled at him.

"No, ruin my life. I don't want Dean to know I have feelings for him."

"And that you're a creep." They both stood up from the bench, heading towards the school. "So, when are you going to tell him?"

"Well, since we don't know each other, and I'm too shy to even befriend him...probably never."

"You're hopeless. You need to get over your fear of rejection and just confess. Or at least talk to him, get to know him."

"And what about you? Have you confessed to Finn how you feel about him?"

"Hey, at least I'm friends with him and have known him for a while. You on the other hand..."

"Shut up, Seth."


	2. Chapter 2

After he had finished putting his stuff in his locker, he leaned up against it, looking at his phone.

Still no reply back. Yet.

He let out a long sigh, feeling very anxious for what was about to come soon. He hated it that he had lowered him to this level.

But he knew that if he didn't go to him, he would tell the whole school about his secret. He had to obey him. He couldn't have anyone else knowing.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at it and saw he had a message.

**'I'm here. Meet me in the basement. Now.'**

He put his phone back in his pocket and started running down the halls. On his way, he accidently shoved into somebody. He turned, apologizing to the other person. He didn't get a good look at his face, but from the looks of it, he seemed worried.

*******

He had finally made it down here. He was in such a hurry to make down here, so he had to catch his breath for moment. Behind him was another person, smirking at his bent over form.

When he leaned back up, the other placed his hands over his eyes, startling him.

"Guess who."

"Corbin, you son of a bitch. Let me go."

Baron laughed, letting go of him. He turned around to face the other, glaring at him.

"Don't fucking do that shit."

"Aww, I didn't know you were scared of the wolf, Ambrose."

"Fuck off." He snarled at him. "Did you tell anyone?"

"Of course I didn't. Your secrets safe with me. Now, how about we get down to business."

"Gladly."

"But first, I want you to lower your pants so I can see that nice, tight ass of yours."

"Fuck you Baron, that wasn't part of our deal!"

"Calm down, pretty boy. I only just want to look, while you suck my cock."

Dean let out a huff, getting more annoyed by him. "Fine. But don't you dare try anything." He unbuckled his belt, lowering his jeans and boxers, while Baron took his hard member out, stroking it a few times.

Dean got down on his knees, looking at Baron's cock with disgust. He didn't want to do this, but he had no other choice.

"C'mon, do what you do best."

"Fuck you."

Baron grabbed his head, forcing his cock into his mouth. Not giving him time to adjust to it. Baron's hard member hit the back of his throat, making him gag a few times.

He hated this so much, being used like this. Baron's cock moving in and out of his mouth, trying his best to get it over with quickly. While he was busy, trying to forget that this was happening, Baron brought his other hand down to his ass, circling his entrance.

Dean looked up at him, giving a warning glare. Baron just chuckled, smirking down at him. "Relax. I'm just trying to make you feel good, too."

But for Dean, Baron doing this, it wouldn't make him feel good. Every time he did this, he never let any of the other men touch him there. He was still a virgin and wanted to do it with someone he loved. Not some old pervert or asshole who bullies him in school.

Baron's movements became erratic. With both hands, he grabbed the back of Dean's head, holding it down. He released in Dean's mouth, forcing him to swallow it all down. Dean felt like he was about to be sick.

He finally let go of him, sliding down onto the floor. Dean joined him on the other side, coughing because of the nasty taste of his cum.

"That...that was fucking amazing..." Baron pants, cleaning himself up. "I'll let you know when I need you again."

"Kay. Whatever."

"You got some cum on your face."

"Fuck off." Dean said, wiping it away. "I need to get to class."

"You might as well wait until lunch." Baron said, putting his cock back in his pants. He takes out a joint from his jacket and lighter too. He lights it up, taking a hit off of it. He handed it to Dean, who took a drag off of it too.

Dean spaced out a bit, looking at anything else besides the other here with him. He could hear Baron talking, but he wasn't really listening to what he was saying. Today and many others would be just another day of hell for him. He couldn't wait until he could finally get out of here. He was so sick and tired of this place.

_'Just another day of fucking misery.'_


	3. Chapter 3

Roman admired the other boy, Dean Ambrose, as he sat in front of him. They were in their last class of school for today. Luckily for Roman, Dean was in pretty much all of his classes. He always sat in the back, that way so he could look at Dean without him noticing.

He didn't see him until lunchtime. He wondered what he was doing, was worried about him. The other seemed very tired, always quiet still. He never really noticed Roman or just about anyone for that matter. He wished he could work up the courage to talk to him, get to know him more. It was probably never going to happen, no matter how much he wished it would.

He felt a nudge against his shoulder. Seth was sitting beside him. "Can you stop being a creep for once?" He whispered.

"Shut up." Roman said.

"He has headphones on. He's not going to hear us speaking to each other."

"Yeah, but still. He's just right in front of us. Besides, I don't feel right talking about him while he's only a few feet away."

"What are you two talking about?" They both looked up, seeing Baron in front of them. Roman and Seth were friends with him.

"Uh, nothing. Just Roman here was wondering who this boy is in front of us." Seth said, pointing at Dean.

Roman was ready to murder Seth. He could be so embarrassing sometimes.

"Who? This kid?" Baron said, looking down at Dean. "This is Dean Ambrose."

"Yeah, we know...just Roman here wants to be friends with him."

"Seth..." Roman gritted his teeth, glaring over at the other.

"Well, good luck. The kid hardly ever talks to anybody. If I were you I wouldn't even bother trying to be friends with him."

"Why not?" Roman asked.

"Because Ambrose here is a fucking idiot." He slammed his hand on the table, making Dean jump. "Hey, stupid. I'm talking to you."

Dean took off his headphones, not happy he was being bothered by Baron again. "What do you want?"

"You're writing."

"So?"

"What you writing about?"

"That's none of your business."

"Here, let me see." He said, picking up the paper Dean had on his desk.

"Hey! Give it back!"

"I just want to see what you're writing about...Hmm..." His eyes read over what was written on the paper. "Huh? What the fuck is this shit?"

"Give it back to me, Baron!"

"Have a look at this guys. See what Ambrose here writes?" He handed the paper over to Roman.

Roman didn't want to look at it. He didn't feel right taking the paper from Baron, seeing what Dean was writing. But he couldn't help but to read what was on it.

_'This place is so cold, so empty_

_I long for a better life, something much more than this_

_I can't stand the poison in the air_

_It makes me sick_

_I need to get away_

_This is not the way it should be_

_There's gotta be something, someone out there_

_To make life worth it again.'_

"Give it back to me!" The paper was yanked out of his hands. Roman looked up, seeing how upset Dean was.

"I...I..." He tried to apologize, but he just couldn't get the words out. This was the first time that they have ever interacted. But it was not going the way that Roman imagined that it would.

"Baron, why can't you and your friends leave me alone?"

"Its fun, especially with how you react."

"Fuck off. I don't need this. I already have enough going on in my life."

The bell rang and Dean was one of the first students out of the classroom. Roman got up out of his seat, rushing to follow him. He needed to apologize. He didn't want Dean to hate him.

He noticed him near his locker. He went over to him, calling out his name. "Hey! Dean!"

Dean looked up, seeing him. "What? What the fuck do you want?"

"I...I'm so sorry for how Baron treated you. I didn't want to read what you were writing, it was rude of me to."

"Save it! I don't need your fucking apologies. You're just like him."

"Dean, please. Let me make it up to you. I just want to be friends."

"Fuck you!" Dean slammed his locker shut. "I'm sure Baron has told you so much about me. Fuck, he probably told you all the 'dirty' details about my life."

"Dean, I don't know anything about you..."

"Get the fuck away from me! Don't ever speak to me again!" He took off from Roman, running down the school hallways.

Roman felt so ashamed of himself. He should have done something to stop Baron, should have stood up for Dean. But, he sat there and did nothing.

Seth stood beside him now, currently amused by Roman's distress. "Smooth, Romeo, smooth. You've won over Juliet."

"Shit...what am I going to do, Seth?"

"I don't know, but I know I hate to be in your shoes right now."

*******

Hours later, Dean was dropped off by his girlfriend, Renee Young, at his friends house. He spent some time with her, before going to see Sami. He had known Sami Callihan for a while, and he seemed to be the only person that Dean knew who was not like the rest of this shitty town he lived in. His girlfriend, Renee lived out of town, and it wasn't often he got to see her.

"Hey, Dean."

"Hi. You got some pot on you?"

"Yeah, I do. Did something happen at school today, man? You look like you're very stressed about something."

Dean sat down on the beaten up couch with his friend, taking a hit off of the bowl. "Baron and his friends...I need to get out of here, Sami. The whole school is going to know about my secret. I'm so fucked..."

"Hey, calm down, okay? Its going to be alright."

"Easy for you to say." Once he had finally calmed down, he curled up laying against Sami.

Sami put his arm around him, helping him get more comfortable. He had always liked Dean more than just as a friend. He wouldn't tell him though, cause it would fuck up their friendship, plus the kid was only seventeen years old. Where Sami was a bit older, twenty-two, high school drop out, and made most of his money by selling drugs.

"When do you want me to take you home?" He asked the youngest.

"I don't know...Maybe later...I don't want to go home, not to that abusive asshole."

"You should live with me. You need to get away from him. Me and your girlfriend worry about you."

"I'll be alright. I can deal with it."

"Like fuck you will be. You can try to hide it, Dean, but we know what's going on. We have seen the bruises on you."

"Look, you don't need to worry so much, alright? Besides, if I leave him then my mom dies. He'll pull the plug."

"Yeah, he forces you to go out and make money for him." Sami growled. The more he thought about Dean's living situation, with him and his stepdad, the more it made him want to kill the bastard. "Its so fucked up...I don't know why you're letting yourself get hurt."

"You know why. I'm doing this that way so my mom will live. When she wakes up, then it is over. She'll leave him and everything will be fine again."

"But how long will it be until that happens? It could be months, maybe years before she does."

Dean kissed him on the cheek. "Hey, I'm still alive, aren't I? The asshole ain't going to kill me or anything. I can wait...and deal with it, for however long it takes."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Roman got up early again. Always at the same time. So he could wait outside for him, his angel, Dean. But, this time it would be different...

Since yesterday, after the incident in class, he had been worrying so much. He screwed up, big time.

 _'Fuck...I don't know what to do...'_ He thought, while running a hand down his face. _'How am I supposed to make it up to him? How am I supposed to let him know how truly sorry I am? Fucking hell...he probably hates me now.'_

He looked over, seeing that it was almost about to be seven AM. He couldn't lay in bed forever and mope. He figured that when he would see Dean again, that he would go up to him and try to apologize as best as he could.

_'I hope he forgives me...I really don't want him to hate me all because of Baron.'_

He got up and started getting ready for school. He checked his phone, seeing that Seth hadn't called or texted him yet, which meant that he was probably still asleep.

He headed downstairs, seeing that his was mom up, making breakfast, and that his sister, Amy, was watching cartoons.

"Good morning, mom."

"Morning honey. You staying for breakfast this time?"

"I can't, mom. I have to get to school."

"But the bus doesn't get here until at least 7:30."

"I know, but you know I took up early morning classes." Which was a lie. And he felt bad for lying to her, but he didn't want his mom to know yet that he was in love with someone.

"You never did before, so why the sudden change? Is there any other reason you're going so early?"

"Uh, no..." He said, grabbing a box of pop-tarts from the cupboard. He took a pack out, opening it and putting them in the microwave.

"Roman's in love with his new girlfriend." Amy said, teasing him.

His mother eyed him. "You have a girlfriend?"

"No! No, I don't! Amy! What you said isn't true, so stop telling lies."

"Yes you do. You're always daydreaming about her."

"I'll deal with you later. Mom, I gotta go now. I'll see you after school."

"Alright, honey."

*******

He hurried down the block towards the school building. He checked the time on his watch, seeing it was 7:24. He looked up and saw that Dean was already outside, in the same spot where he usually sat. He hurried over to him, knowing that he had only a little bit of time alone with him before anyone else arrived.

"Dean!" He called out his name, getting his attention. When he saw that it was Roman calling out his name, his scowled at him.

"What the hell do you want?" He asked, putting his notebook back in his bag.

Roman rushed over to him, seeing that Dean was ready to get away from him as fast as he could. But he wasn't about to let that happen. He backed him up against the tree, blocking him from going anywhere.

"Get away from me. Now." Dean growled up at him.

"Dean, I'm so sorry for what happened in class yesterday. I should have stood up for you, but I was too nervous to do anything. I also didn't mean to look at what you were writing. I am so sorry, please forgive me."

"Baron told you didn't he?"

"Told me what?"

"Look, I'm not stupid, okay? I know you want to use me just like he does, so just tell me what it is you really fucking want. I don't have all day."

Roman was taken aback. "Use you? What...No! Dean, no! I don't know what it is going on between you and Baron. Shit, all I know is that he's a jerk to you for no reason."

"So, you don't know anything, right?"

"No, I don't. Look, just because I'm friends with him it doesn't mean that I agree with what he does. The guys an ass. He used to pick on me in middle school."

"Then why are you friends him?"

"I honestly don't know...he apologized, but I don't know if he really meant it or not. Look, I don't want anything from you...its just..." He wasn't sure how to say this without embarrassing himself. "I...I've been watching you for a little while now..." _'Oh god, did I really just say that?!'_ ...and I've always thought you seemed like an interesting person, wanted to get to know you more. I just couldn't work up the courage to try and talk to you. I...I just want to be friends with you."

Dean didn't know what to think. He had never really noticed Roman, gave him any thought up until now. Here he was, offering him his friendship and he didn't know whether or not he could trust him. He was always very cautious about getting close to people, for fear of letting himself get hurt.

"I'll think about it. Give me some time to think about it and I'll let you know my answer."

"Okay, please do. I really do like you, Dean, and I think we could be good friends." He said, stepping away from him.

"Sure. What makes me so interesting to you anyway?" He asked, curious to know his answer.

"Well, I like it that even though you put up with so much shit here, that you still remain strong. I also like it that you seem to be a good writer and artist. I wish I could be good at that."

"Mm. Well, I have to go now. I'll see you in class I guess."

"Okay. And Dean. Before you go, I remember what you wrote yesterday."

"What about it?"

"I just...hope you're okay. If you need anyone to talk to, I'll be happy to listen."

Hearing this surprised him. A small part of him thought that maybe Roman didn't mean any harm, that maybe he was being sincere. Still, he had to be careful. He couldn't give out his trust so easily. "Thanks, Roman."


	5. Chapter 5

It had happened again. It was almost midnight and Dean Ambrose was still awake. He stared back at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was a bruise forming underneath his left eye.

"Fucking asshole...He can rot in hell for all I care..." He whispered.

He knew that he wouldn't be able to hide it, that his teachers would ask what had happened. He would make up another lie again, no big deal. This wasn't the first time this happened and it wouldn't be the last.

*******

"Mmm...Yeah, baby...Suck my cock like your mouth was made for it..."

Baron was moaning above him, while he worked on getting him off. He was trying to hurry up, wanting to get this over with. Especially since Baron was touching him more...he had even suggested taking it a bit further, which Dean had turned down. He wouldn't give Baron the satisfaction of letting him be his first. He wanted his first time to be special.

"Oh shit..." The other was getting close. He grabbed the back of his head, holding it in place, forcing him to swallow down all of his cum.

"You were amazing, like always." Baron said, slumping down to floor with him.

"Whatever." He yelped, when he felt his ass being slapped.

"So, when can I have a piece of this ass?"

"When you learn not to think with your dick and actually get a brain, which will be never."

"So, I can't fuck you?"

"One, I have a girlfriend. Two, I'm not gay. Three, even if I was, I wouldn't be into you. You're a jerk."

"A jerk who knows that your daddy makes you whore your ass out for money."

"Screw you." He stood up, putting his hoodie back on. "I gotta go. Please don't text me again."

"You know that that won't happen." He came up behind Dean, pulling him against him.

"Let go of me." Dean growled, ready to attack him if he needed to.

"Remember Ambrose, I know all of your secrets. I can use you however I want. And if you don't do what I ask you to, the whole school will know everything."

*******

It was now lunchtime. He was trying to catch up on some sleep before class, when he heard someone sitting next to him.

"Hey, Dean."

He looked over, seeing that it was Roman who had decided to sit with him.

"Oh, its just you."

"What happened to your face?"

"Hmm?"

"You have a bruise underneath your eye. What happened?"

He sighed. "Its nothing, alright? Ended up falling and hurting myself."

"Okay, I was just concerned is all. What are you doing after school?"

"Nothing...Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place for a bit?"

"You know I haven't made up my mind yet on whether or not I want to be friends with you, right?"

"I know...Its just that...I don't know...My mom is busy tonight, working late, my sister is going to be at my grandma's house, and Seth is busy with Finn. So, I wanted some company over, preferably you."

"So, do you actually want my company or do you just want me to come over because no one else will?"

"No, I've been wanting you to come over for a while now actually. I think about you a lot, Dean."

Oh my god..." Dean couldn't help but to laugh at this. "Dude, you are weird and creepy...not that that's a bad thing. Just...are you in love with me or something?"

 _'If only you knew...'_ "N-no...I just think you're a very interesting person is all..."

"Sure you're not. I'll believe that when you aren't blushing." He said, teasing him. "I'm just messing with you. Alright, fine."

"Fine what?"

"C'mon." Dean grabbed his bag, standing up.

"Dean, class is not for another few minutes..."

"We're not going to class. We're ditching this shithole. Going to your place."

"Dean! What if we get caught?"

"We won't get caught. As long as you follow my lead."

"Alright. Just let me go grab some stuff from my locker. Wait for me, okay?"

"I'll be right here."

Roman left the cafeteria, heading down the school hallways. He texted Seth before going over to his locker.

**'Dean's coming over to my house. :)'**

He soon got a reply back.

**'That's wonderful! Make sure to use a condom and lube.'**

Roman rolled his eyes at his friends reply.

**'Haha, very funny, Seth.'**

**'You love me. So, what are you two actually going to do?'**

**'I don't know yet...maybe watch a movie or something?'**

**'Put on some gay porn. That'll impress him.'**

**'Is sex all you ever think about?'**

'Hey, I'm excited to be spending time with Finn tonight. Wish me luck! And have fun with Juliet.'

Roman brought his hand up to his face, shaking his head. "Of course..."

"Hey, you ready?"

Roman heard Dean's voice behind him. He quickly put his phone away, hoping he didn't see any of his texts.

"Um...yeah. Yeah. I'm ready."

"Good. C'mon. Lets go." He grabbed Roman's arm, leading him towards the nearest exit.

*******

Soon, the both of them arrived at Roman's place. Roman unlocked the door, letting them both inside.

"Nice place you got here." Dean said, taking a look around. Anyone else's home was better than his.

"Thanks. You hungry?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He shrugged.

"Okay. I'm going to order some pizza for us. My room's upstairs, second door on the right. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right up."

"Alright." Dean headed upstairs, while Roman called to order the pizza. He opened the door to Roman's room, going in.

He felt uncomfortable, being here at Roman's place. He seemed nice, which Dean liked. He might have to consider being his friend after all.

He took a look around Roman's room. He noticed a few wrestling DVDs on his shelf which made him smile. Something that they both had in common. He also noticed something on his desk that caught his eye.

It was a painting. A painting of him. "What the hell...he made a picture of me..."

He was wearing a beanie hat in the painting, few strands of his auburn hair covering his right eye, and he was smiling.

_'Haven't smiled like that in a long time...'_

There was also some writing on the painting.

_'I wish I could be the reason for the smile upon your face_

_I wish you would smile at me_

_Just once would be enough for me_

_You are so beautiful and so amazing_

_My angel, Dean Ambrose, I love you'_

He put the painting back on the desk. He sat on the bed, thinking over what he had just seen, what he had just read. Roman Reigns...is in love with him? He didn't know what to do or think about this new information.

He was surprised with himself, with how well he was taking it. He should have been weirded out, disgusted by his creepiness. But he didn't feel that way. A small part of him felt happiness. That he knew he was special, important, worth so much to someone. That he was the reason someone else was smiling.

He heard the door open, seeing Roman standing in the doorway. He came in, sitting down next to Dean on the bed.

"The pizza will be here in forty-five minutes."

"Okay."

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Um...actually...we need to talk."

Roman was confused. "Okay, about what...?"

"I saw that picture you drew of me."

Roman's whole world came crashing down upon him. Dean knew. He knew that he was in love with him. He was so fucked. He had forgotten that the painting he drew of Dean was just sitting right there on his desk, in plain sight.

"Fuck...shit..."

"Roman, you're actually in love me...that's why you were blushing when I was joking around with you earlier."

"I'm so embarrassed...ugh..." Roman groaned, just wanting to hide away right now. "Dean, I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry about? Yeah, I am a little bit weirded out, but I will admit...I...actually kind of like it that I mean so much to you."

"R-Really?"

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah. So, how long have you been in love with me?"

"For quite a while now. Ever since that first day I saw you."

"When?"

"Ever since last year, in November. I saw you, just sitting outside curled up underneath the tree you always sit under. You seemed to be upset. I wanted to go up to you and ask if you were okay, but it would have been very awkward. You looked up and your eyes are what pulled me in, got me hooked on you. Blue eyes...the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. And they were full of tears. And a part of me just wanted to go over there and protect you from whatever it was that was causing you pain."

Dean remembered that day. That was the day that he had found out that his mother was in a coma. When he knew it would just be him and his abusive stepdad at home.

He didn't have no words to describe how he felt. All he knew is that since Roman had told him how he felt, something inside him stirred. Some strange new feeling that he couldn't explain. And right now, the only thing that made sense was how warm, safe, and comfortable he felt being near Roman.

He scooted closer to him, staring into those grey eyes. His eyes lingered upon the other's lips, wondering what it would be like to just feel them upon his...

"Dean, are you okay?"

He didn't respond back, just leaned in closer placing his lips upon Roman's.

This took Roman by surprise. This had to be a dream. This couldn't possibly happening. His angel, Dean, was kissing him. It was everything he had ever dreamed of.

He started kissing back, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist pulling him into his lap. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, seeking access which Dean granted. His angel tasted so sweet, he couldn't get enough of him.

Dean was so lost in this moment, finding himself enjoying kissing Roman. His hands tangled themselves in Roman's hair, and oh god, it felt so soft. He moaned into the kiss, feeling his hand running down the small of his back.

Suddenly, he was on his back, laying underneath Roman. They never broke contact, both still connected to each other. He could feel one of Roman's hands underneath his shirt and he could feel how aroused he was, which made him realize the situation he was getting himself into.

He broke the kiss, pulling away slightly from Roman. "W-wait..."

"Oh...I'm sorry...am I moving too fast for you?"

"N-no...don't be sorry...I-Its just...Oh god..."

"What is it?"

"This is a mistake. R-Roman...I'm flattered that you feel so much for me, but I can't return your feelings."

"What?"

"I'm just confused right now...Roman, I don't want to continue this. I can't stay here, I'll only end up hurting you."

"But you kissed me, Dean. You let me kiss you back. You can't tell me that you don't feel anything."

"I don't. I don't feel anything for you." He stood up, pulling back on his hoodie and grabbing his bag. "I can't stay. I'm so sorry Roman, for making you think that I was falling for you."

And with that he left. Leaving Roman sitting there wondering what had gone wrong. Why Dean was suddenly denying that he had felt something. He knew that he did and he wasn't just going to let him slip away just like that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not a summary of the chapter itself, but a big thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos on this story. Thank you so much! I appreciate it! Keep leaving them, it helps me know that I am doing a good job with stuff I write. Anyway, moving forward...
> 
> For a short while, in other chapters of story, there will be journal entries where we get a glimpse into Dean's mind. I tried my best to keep him in character and so far I think I doing a good of job at it. Same with Roman too. In later chapters of this story, I will deal with some of Roman's problems too, which will be mentioned soon, but dealt with yet. Just gotta find a way how to bring them in and how it has affected him. Anyway, enjoy the next five chapters everyone! I warn everyone though, that things will take a dark turn in this story and you all will have to wait and see if there's going to be a happy ending for both Roman and Dean.

It had been a few days since Roman had last seen Dean. Ever since that afternoon that he confessed his feelings, that he kissed him. The auburn haired teen hadn't been to school. Roman couldn't call or text him because he didn't have his number. He had no idea where Dean lived either.

Roman was pretty much worried. Worried that he had screwed up any chances of at least being friends with him. Worried about what was going on with him, why he hadn't came to school. He hoped that Dean was alright. And he hope that they could also talk things over.

Him and Seth were outside, walking over to his place. Seth was going on about one of the students in their class, Kevin Owens.

"So, I'm just minding my own business, heading to art class. And then he just bumps into me, knocking me over. I almost hurt my leg falling over."

"Did he do it on purpose?" Roman asked.

"I'm not sure...I couldn't tell you to be honest." Seth shrugged. "He didn't seem to be paying attention because he was talking to his friend, Sami Zayn."

"He seems like a nice guy. I never really had any problems with him."

"Yeah well, he needs to pay more attention. So, enough about my day. What's going on with you and Dean?"

Roman looked away from him, frowning. "I have no idea...We haven't spoken since that day..."

"Since that day that you kissed him?"

"Yeah...I think he's avoiding me."

"Hmm...it sounds like you need to win over your Juliet." Seth smiled.

"Seth!" Roman yelled at him. "This is serious! I didn't just risk a chance at a relationship with him, but any chances of us being friends also!"

The two toned teen put an arm around his friend's shoulder. "Hey, relax. I'm sure things will work out just fine. Dean probably just needs time to think is all."

"I hope you're right."

The two of them continued their walk to Seth's house. On their way there, Seth started talking about Finn, which Roman didn't really care to pay attention to. As his friend talked on about how the Irish teen helped him with his homework, he looked up ahead, glancing at an old, beat up car parked on the side of the street near Seth's house.

It seemed pretty weird for the car to be sitting there, cause neither teen had seen it before. Roman wouldn't have paid it any more attention, but since the window was rolled down he heard something that sounded like someone getting slapped.

"You fucking little bitch!" The man in the front seat was yelling at someone who was kneeling between his legs. He grabbed at the person's hair, lifting their face up. Roman's mouth fell open, upon seeing who it was.

"You tried to bite my dick?!"

"Y-you...ugh! You shouldn't...b-be touching me where you're not allowed to."

"I'll touch you anywhere I want since I paid for you!"

Dean yanked his head out of the man's grasp, punching him in the face. "I am not some cheap whore you can just put your tiny dick inside of! Just give me my fucking money and let me out of here!"

Dean was about to lay another punch on him, but the man caught him by his wrists. He brought him up and shoved him onto the seat. Dean struggled to get out from underneath him, kicking and clawing at him.

"Get off!"

"I will get a piece of this ass whether you want me to or not."

Roman had had enough of watching. He ran over to the car. He tried the door, finding out that it was locked. He cursed, raising his fist up and punching the window. The punch was enough to break the glass, which startled both the man and Dean.

"Get the fuck off of him!" He grabbed the man, getting him off of Dean. He threw him to the ground, then went to go help the other, who was embarrassed and shocked at seeing him.

"R-Roman...what are you doing here?"

"Lets get you out of here." He grabbed onto his hand, getting him out of the car. The other had cum on his lower lip and a bruise forming on his cheek.

"You can have him anyway! But the stupid bitch ain't getting paid!" The man yelled back at them. He got in his car, driving away.

Dean groaned, hiding his face in Roman's shoulder. "Fuck! Fuck..."

"Are you alright?" Roman asked him.

"What's going on, Dean?" Seth ran over to them, also concerned.

"No, Roman. I'm not alright." Dean pulled away from him, his face staring at the ground.

"What were you doing in that man's car?" Roman asked him.

"What do you think? Making money." Dean said.

"But why? Why you would do something like that?"

"You wouldn't understand..." Dean looked up at him. "Just go, Roman. Leave me alone."

Roman came closer to him. "No, we need to talk, Dean. You've been avoiding me ever since that day."

"You need to stay away from me. Especially now that you know what I do." Dean turned around, about to head in the direction away from the other two. He didn't want to be near them now. They would laugh at him, think that he's disgusting.

"I don't think any less of you, Dean."

"You don't mean that..."

"I do. I may not understand why you do what you do, but I'm not going to judge you for it. But Dean, please. Talk to me when you're able to, alright?"

Dean smiled to himself a little. "Okay. We'll talk...But not now. I need to get home."

"Okay. And Dean, one more thing."

"What?"

Roman reached into his pocket, taking out some money for him.

"Roman...no. I can't...It wouldn't be right."

"I can see that you're upset that the guy didn't pay you. So, I'm giving you mine. Because I care."

"Please, don't worry about me, Roman. I'll be fine."

*******

But later, while lying in bed, Roman couldn't help but to worry about Dean. He could now see why he was closed up, didn't trust many people. He didn't think any less differently about him. He just wanted to know why, why Dean would subject himself to being mistreated like that. He wanted to help him, but he knew that Dean would have to make that choice for himself.

He was about to go to sleep, to try and take his mind off of him, when suddenly he heard some yelling from next door. He heard some glass being broken, and then something that sounded like a thud.

"Fuck..." He went to go shut his window, hopefully that way he wouldn't hear the fight next door. He went to go lay back in bed, but a loud sound on his window startled him. He got up, getting a bit irritated now. He got up, going to the window and opening it, hearing someone from outside call his name.

"Roman! Roman, you still awake?"

He looked outside below him, seeing that it was Dean. He was a bit surprised to see him there. "Dean? What are you doing here?"

"Could you come outside, please?"

"Of course! Uh, hold on. I'll be down in a second."

Roman was happy to see the other teen outside of his room. He headed downstairs, being quiet so that he wouldn't wake his mom or his sister. He went to the door, opened it, and saw Dean standing on his porch.

"Hey." Dean smiled at him.

"Hey." Roman smiled back. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Why?"

"I heard yelling earlier...Was that you fighting with someone?"

Dean sat down on the porch swing. "You heard that, huh? Look, don't worry about me, okay?"

"I just can't stand seeing you upset or in any sort of pain." Roman sat down with him, grabbing his hand. "Please, Dean. You can trust me. I care about you."

Dean let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "Me and my stepdad. We don't have a good relationship...We argue a lot. Its nothing, really."

"Okay. Why were you in that man's car today?"

"I have to get by somehow..."

"You'll end up getting hurt."

"I can take care of myself, okay? Roman, I just want to be with you right now. Your presence is comforting to me. No more talking, please?"

"Alright, no more. Can I hold you at least?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Roman put his arm around the other teen's shoulder. Dean snuggled up close to him, feeling very content being like this with him. He didn't understand why though he was feeling this way for him. He never once felt attracted to another guy, but Roman was making him question himself. A part of him did want to find out if what he felt was true, but he couldn't just throw away what he had with Renee.

"Roman, I'm sorry for the other day."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that you came to see me tonight."

Dean looked up at him. "You do know I can't be with you, right?"

"I understand. I'm just confused because I know that you feel something for me also."

"I won't deny that I do. But I can't give in to what I feel for you. I'm with somebody already. Roman, me and you are only meant be friends. Nothing else. Okay?"

"Okay." He was at least happy that him and Dean could be friends. But there would still always be that part of him that longed for more.

*******

_'My mind is constantly flooded by thoughts of hate, of self doubt. I'm sitting in a room, drunk, feeling weird._

_This place is weird. Life is weird. What I feel is weird._

_Too many words going round and round. Can't make sense of them. It never stops. Music playing 24/7, always reminding me of my life._

_I try not to think about my home life. About what my girlfriend and Sami worry about. Its alright. I'm doing fine._

_I try to cleanse myself of the disgusting, shameful sins I'm forced to commit. Do anything that helps me to forget. My life is shit, my existence is meaningless. Everything around me doesn't feel real. I keep dwelling on the past, the present, connect everything together.'_

"Dean? What are you writing in there?"

He quickly shut his notebook, not wanting Renee to see what he was writing. "Nothing important!"

"Mhm. If it wasn't so important you wouldn't be writing about it."

Dean put his notebook away in bag. "Its all just mindless nonsense anyway." He stood up, turning around so he could hold her. "What's important to me now is you." He leaned down, kissing her.

She kissed him back, smiling. While kissing each other, they both landed in her bed. He had his shirt off, and she was teasing him, her fingers playing with his nipples.

"Should get these pierced."

"No. I'm not into that."

"But it would be so hot."

"You riding me would be hot right now." He groaned, bucking his hips up.

"Oh baby." She moaned, while unbuttoning his pants, slowly getting them off, along with his boxers. He lifted up his hips, helping her. Once that was done, she leaned down, wanting to make him feel good.

He closed his eyes, feeling her mouth on his cock, her tongue swirling around the tip. His hips bucked up, and he moaned a bit. He would make sure to return the favor after she was done.

He was getting so lost in the feeling, that his mind started wandering how it would feel if it were Roman doing this to him. How he would probably finger his ass, but he would ask permission first. He imagined that both happening at the same time would feel so amazing.

He pictured that it was Roman instead of Renee giving him pleasure right now. And because of that, one name fell from his lips, and it wasn't hers.

"R-Roman...F-Feels so good..."

After those words came out of his mouth, Renee stopped what she was doing. He noticed and realized he had fucked up.

"F-fuck...Renee...I am so sorry...I-I didn't mean that..."

"Why did you say that boy's name and not mine? Dean, are you cheating on me?"

"No! No, I'm not!" He got up, trying to get his clothes back on.

"Then why did you say his name!"

"I don't know! I don't know why!"

"But I think you do." She said to him, her voice too calm. "You're starting to like him. You have feelings for him."

"I don't...Okay...maybe I do...But they're not strong enough."

"Maybe not now, but you seem to be growing closer to him. And you're questioning yourself. Thinking about him while I'm giving you a blowjob."

He looked up at her, afraid of what else she would say. He didn't want this to end all because of a small, stupid part of himself.

"You're not...breaking up with me, are you?"

"I can't be with you if there's another on your mind. I'm sorry."

She left him alone in the room, leaving him with only his thoughts. He laid back on the bed, so upset with himself that he had fucked up a good thing he had.

"What am I going to do...?"

_'I wonder how it all came to this. How I got so fucked up. Where it all had gone wrong. Everyone else around me, whether good or bad, they're all having fun. I see how different I am from all of them._

_I don't belong here. I don't fit in. The only thing that gives me hope is death. I'll be at peace, will finally not be at war with myself. I pray that day comes soon.'_


	7. Chapter 7

_'I fucked up..._

_I'm always fucking up. Renee broke up with me. She knows._

_I'm falling for another guy. Roman...I don't want to talk about it now. I'm still confused about my feelings for him._

_I needed to get out of her house. Took a cab over to Sami's. Had to call him to come & pay the driver, cause I lost my fucking money! My stepdad probably spent it most of it on booze._

_I still got my zippo lighter...and my knife. That baby is very handy, helps me get out of sticky situations, if you know what I mean._

_Home now. My stepdad is yelling from downstairs. He's such an asshole. Why is he making my life so fucked up? I hate it so much. I want to die. Lets list off what's going wrong: Abusive father, bruises, perverts, an ex, BARON CORBIN._

_What's going right: I still have friends, mom's still alive, music, Roman (Idk what he is ugh)...that's about it...'_

"Meow."

Dean looked down, seeing his calico kitten, Ginger. He picked her up, nuzzling her nose.

"Hey, Ginger. Almost forgot about you." The kitten purred, going into his jacket, wanting to be warm. Dean continued writing.

_'Oh. Ginger. Can't forget about my kitty :)_

_School's tomorrow. I'll talk to Roman, let him know I'll give us a try. I guess I want to see where it goes, but I'm still not sure if anything will come of it._

_Roman...he's not like the others. He accepts me. He doesn't treat me like shit. Doesn't look at me like I'm weird. He wants to know me more, doesn't want just a piece of ass._

_I don't know what it is. But when I'm with him I feel more like myself. Like I don't have to hide anything. I'm still scared though. This is new to me._

_I'm still battling a whole lot now. Cut myself again. Have 11 new scars. It never seems to end, does it? I don't know why I'm like this...'_

*******

"Hey, Ambrose!"

Roman watched from afar as Baron shoved the auburn haired teen against his locker. He couldn't make out what was being said, but from the look on Dean's face, he knew that he was not happy.

_'Why do you put up with his shit, Dean?'_

A tap on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned to see Seth, who had Finn's arm wrapped around his shoulder.

"You're staring again."

"So?"

"Well, instead of just standing here and watching, how about you go and rescue your Juliet?"

"Stop it, Seth." Roman turned away, grabbing the rest of his books. "He's already made it clear to me that he just wants to be friends."

"What about you?"

"You should already know."

"Finn, Roman's being stupid." Seth looked at his boyfriend. "He's giving up too easily."

"Seth, maybe we should just let things be. Roman will be fine." Finn let go of Seth, getting closer to Roman. "If you need anything, you know we're here for you."

Roman was about to say something, when he felt someone grab onto his arm. He looked over, seeing Dean standing next to him.

"Hey, Dean. What's up?"

"Hey...Can we talk? In private."

"Okay. If its alright with Seth and Finn."

"Of course it is!" Seth spoke up. "Come on, Finn. Lets leave the two lovebirds alone."

The young teen dragged his boyfriend away, leaving Roman alone with Dean. Well, except there were other students in the hall with them. Dean grabbed onto his hand, leading him towards the stairs. They both went down to the basement, a perfectly quiet, private place for them to talk.

"Uh, Dean." Roman started nervously. "We can't be down here."

"Don't worry. I found a secret room here last year. No one goes into it."

"But dude, we could still get caught."

Dean ignored him, opening a door that led to his secret hiding place. They both went inside. There was a small, old couch inside, a radio, posters, coffee table and a small refrigerator.

"Woah." Roman was amazed at the look of the room. "How did you get all this stuff in here without getting caught?"

"Shawn Michaels. He's a teacher here. He helped me. He knows some of what goes on at my home, but I asked him not to do anything."

"So, you won't get in trouble for all this?"

"I could if the principle finds out...Hunter. He's an asshole." He grinned at the other teen, who was now sitting on the couch.

"You want anything to drink? Food?"

"Sure, just a coke will do."

Dean opened the fridge, grabbing two cans. He sat down next to Roman, handing him his.

"Thanks." He opened the can, taking a sip. "So, this is like your home away from home?"

"Yep." Dean smiled, showing off his dimples, which Roman found to be cute. "Been thinking of bringing my kitten here."

"I don't think Shawn would allow you to bring your cat to school."

"He would. Besides, I don't want my dad killing it. He doesn't like her. He doesn't like anything that makes me happy."

Roman frowned at that. Ever since that night, he knew that something was not right between Dean and his father.

"Dean, why do you stay with him if its not safe?"

"I have no where else to go. And I'm afraid of going to foster care."

"He hits you. You need to get away from him." Roman was worried for Dean's safety. He didn't want him to get hurt more.

"I can handle it. Plus my mom will be waking up soon." The other said, staring off into space.

"Your mother? What's wrong with her?"

That was a very sensitive topic for Dean. Because it hurt him so much not being able to do anything for her, feeling like he wasn't a good son. All he could just do was wait and pray that she would pull through. He picked up the bowl full of pot on the table, lighting it up. After a few puffs off of it, he felt calm enough to keep talking.

"She's at the hospital. In a coma."

"I'm sorry...How did that happen?"

"My dad hit her with his car. He said it was an accident but I don't believe him. Police won't do shit either."

Roman wanted to reach over and hug the other. Tell him it was going to be alright. He held himself back from doing it, not knowing whether it would be right to do so. To his surprise though, Dean scooted more closer to him. Curling himself up against him. He grabbed Roman's arm, putting it around himself.

Roman wanted to ask why he did that, but Dean continued talking. "Remember that day you saw me in that man's car? My dad, he makes me go out and do that shit. Baron knows, but I made a deal with him so that he wouldn't tell anyone." He nuzzled his face against Roman. "You feel so warm."

"Uh, Dean. I'm sure you want to stop talking about it, but there's something else I need to ask you. Does he ever...?"

"What? Touch me? No. He's never tried that, but if he did I would kick his ass. Better yet, I would blow his brains out." He motioned his fingers like a gun, pretending to shoot himself.

"Don't do that." Roman said. "You shouldn't think that way of yourself."

"I didn't say I would shoot myself." Dean grinned, chuckling a bit.

"I can tell you think about it though." He ran his hand through the others curls, earning a contented sigh from his angel. "You're beautiful."

"Thanks. So, are we together?"

"I thought you were with someone?"

"Didn't work out. She knows about my feelings for you. Its a long story. But, I want to give us a chance. See where it goes."

Roman's heart flipped at hearing those words. He had to be dreaming. Dean Ambrose, his angel, wanted to be his boyfriend.

"Are you serious?"

"C'mere." Dean pulled him down, pressing his lips against his. Roman kissed him back, loving the way that he tasted. "You're going to be mine or...?"

Roman laughed, burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck. "Yeah, I'll be yours. I'm yours."

"Good. Now, kiss me again."

_'Existence._

_My existence means nothing in this world. Nothing means anything to me. Those declarations of love, they serve me no purpose. I only seek to know of the unthinkable, the undefinable, the unknown. What others fear, I yearn for._

_Yet, I long to be normal, just like everyone else. I want to experience the emotions, the thoughts, the actions. I want to stop trying to connect everything together, creating a mental picture inside my mind._

_Life is short, death is knocking on my door. I must keep moving, searching for the answers. Answers to make myself right. Yet, more questions just keep coming up._

_Am I losing it? Is my grasp on this reality fading?'_


	8. Chapter 8

A few weeks had passed since they got together, since Dean had decided to give a relationship with Roman a chance. They texted each other a lot, hung out with each other a lot. Either at school (mostly in the basement), the park, and Roman's place. They never went to Dean's place, cause of Dean's stepdad. It would be too dangerous to bring Roman over, not knowing what his stepdad might do. The only times they were apart was when Dean had to go home, had other classes that Roman wasn't in, or had to go out and make money. Which Roman wished he would stop doing, because all those filthy men were hurting him. But there was nothing he could do. All he could do was put up with the situation for now.

They had both gotten to know each other more. Roman had told Dean about his family, even his father, who was pretty much not involved in his life anymore. It was something that they both had in common. Dean had never really known his real dad, because the man had left before he had been born. They both also loved wrestling, bonding a lot over that. Roman would always put it on whenever Dean came over. And every time they laid together, the younger teen would snuggle up into Roman's side, putting an arm over him. He found that he loved how small he felt compared to the other, feeling a sense of calmness. With Roman, it seemed that his mind would slow down, not be filled up with so much jumbled, negative thoughts.

This was what he was doing right now. Laying curled up against the oldest, a hand running through his auburn curls. It felt so good. He wished it could stay like this for a long time, but soon he would have to go.

"I really must be going soon..." He muttered out, making Roman look down at him. The TV was on, wrestling playing on the screen as usual. "...but I don't want to..."

"Maybe you should take the night off?" Roman asked.

"You know I can't." Dean simply stated, sighing. His hands curled up into Roman's t-shirt, trying to forget about what he had to do tonight, and just focus on the moment. The way he felt at peace with the other.

"I know. Will you be able to stay tomorrow night?"

"We'll see. I can't say for certain if I will or not."

"I wish you would leave your stepdad. We really need to figure out a way how to get you out of there." Roman said, thinking about what he could do to help Dean.

Dean moved around, and sat upon Roman's lap. "If we call the police, they'll take me away. They'll put me in foster care. We won't be able to see each other. Is that what you want?"

"No. I don't want that at all, Dean." Roman said, shaking his head. "But you know its not safe there with him. Maybe we can tell the police you can live with me instead?"

"The odds of that happening are slim. Look, I'm just going to have to put up with the abuse for now. Until my mom wakes up or until I'm eighteen." At him saying this, Roman frowned. They both were unhappy about the situation, it was fucked up. Dean took Roman's face in his hands, leaning in close to him. "Hey, its okay. I'll be alright."

"I worry a lot about you. I want to do whatever I can to protect you."

"What you can do is kiss me right now."

Roman smiled at him. "I can do that."

The two teens brought their lips to each others, kissing each other slowly. Roman loved whenever Dean told him to kiss him or asked, it was so adorable. His lips felt so soft and sweet. He heard Dean moan into the kiss, as he ran his hands down his sides. Dean opened his mouth up to him, wanting to taste more of Roman. His hands went to his hair, taking it out of the bun he had it in. He broke the kiss, staring into Roman's eyes.

"I love your hair."

"I love yours too. Cute curls." Roman said.

"Meh." Dean shrugged. "I have a feeling I'm gonna be bald when I'm older."

"No you won't." Roman laughed. He rolled them over, so he was on top instead. He leaned down, kissing Dean again, feeling him smile into it. He snaked a hand underneath his shirt, running it over his chest. Dean thrust his hips up, moaning more. Both of them were getting quite aroused. They wouldn't go any further than making out though. Not yet. The relationship was still new and neither wanted to rush it.

Roman pulled away from the kiss, resting his head on Dean's chest, his arms going around his waist. "It's going to be hard for me to let you leave. I wanna hold on to you all night."

"That does sound nice. Maybe tomorrow night you'll be able to." He picked up his phone, texting Sami to come pick him up. "I really must be going now, Roman."

"You don't mind if I come with you, do you?"

"Sami's picking me up from the diner. I'll be fine on my own."

"Let me just make sure you get there safely then. We can also meet up with Seth there. You could both get to know each other while we wait for your friend."

Dean stood up, going over to grab his boots. "You overprotective sap." He rolled his eyes. He didn't mind, that Roman was protective of him, though he wouldn't admit it any time soon. "Call your friend and tell him we'll him meet there."

*******

They both were outside, walking down the few blocks to the diner that was nearby. It was cold out and Roman was wearing a hoodie. He looked at Dean as if he was crazy, for he was not wearing a hoodie or his leather jacket. "Dude, how could you forget to bring a jacket with you?"

Dean shrugged. "I don't know. It didn't even cross my mind. Was to focused on getting to you."

"But you knew you were going out tonight."

"Hey, my minds a mess. Sometimes I can just be forgetful, alright?"

"Alright." Roman went to go grab onto Dean's hand, but he moved it out of his reach. "You don't want to hold hands?"

"Nah, had an even better idea. Stand still for a minute." He climbed up onto Roman's back, wrapping his legs around him and held on tightly to him. "You can carry me instead." He said, with a big grin on his face.

"Good thing you're not heavy." Roman said, grabbing onto Dean's legs, then continuing to walk towards the diner. "You comfy back there?"

"Yes. Very." Dean laid his head on his shoulder, nuzzling his cheek. "You should carry me all the time."

"Can't have you getting lazy on me."

They soon made it to the diner, going inside to meet up with Seth. Dean got off of Roman's back, going to sit on the other side of the table he was at. He smiled shyly at Seth, not knowing what to think of him yet. He didn't know him very well, but from what Roman said about him he seemed like a nice kid. Looked kinda like a nerd and emo type teen put together.

"Ah, so I finally get to interact with Roman's Juliet." Seth said.

"Seth..." Roman glared at him.

"What?" Dean was confused. "Juliet?"

"Never mind. Its what I always refer to you as. Plus Roman here has been hopelessly in love with you for like, forever."

"Seth, will you shut up?" Roman said, about ready to murder the other teen.

"Well its true."

"Well, him being in love with me is obvious." Dean said, smirking to himself. "Is there anything else?"

"Oh yes. He would always stare at you. Especially your ass."

Roman groaned, burying his face in his hands, while the other two joked around. "Seth, when Dean is gone remind me to kill you."

"You know you couldn't do that. You would miss me too much."

Dean put his arms around Roman, whispering into his ear. "Hey, don't be embarrassed. It makes me feel special to know how much you cared about me before ever really knowing me."

"Really?" Roman turned his head to look at him.

"Yes, really." Dean placed a quick peck on his lips. "Well, I better be going now. Sami's outside waiting for me."

They both stood up from the table, going outside to Sami's truck. Roman hugged Dean for a moment, then let him go. But before he could leave, he took off his hoodie and put it on him.

"That way so you won't get cold out here."

"Its pretty big on me." Dean said. "Thanks. I'll give it back to you tomorrow."

"No, you keep it. Besides, I like how it looks on you."

Hearing that made Dean blush. He kissed Roman once more, then turned around getting into the truck. "Try not to worry about me so much tonight. Get some sleep, okay?"

The other teen nodded his head, smiling back at him. He waved goodbye to him, as Sami drove the truck out of the parking lot and into the street. He looked back to see Roman watching as they drove away from the diner, until they turned the corner.

"What a fucking sap." Dean turned his head, hearing Sami's comment. "Trying to be all mushy that way so he can get into your pants."

"Sami, don't be mean." Dean said, defending Roman. "He's not like that anyway. He wants to wait a bit before we do that."

"Sounds like a goody two shoes." Sami said, lighting up a cigarette. He handed one to Dean also. "Please tell me again why you are with him?"

"He's a nice person, cares about me very much. Yeah, he is a bit overprotective and can be a bit of a nerd, but he is a good guy."

"If you say so."

"You should get to know him, too. He makes me feel special. Makes me feel calm. I think I'm starting to like him a whole lot." Dean took a drag off the cigarette, blowing the smoke out the window. "If I didn't know any better, I would say that you are jealous."

"No way, man." Sami laughed, shaking his head. He would keep on denying his feelings for Dean. "You know I'm still trying to get Leah."

"Leah? That chick with the blue hair and whose always rubbing up on you?"

"Don't make fun. She's pretty hot."

"Yeah, but she has like, no personality. She only wants you to fuck her."

"Hey, shut up, okay? If I can't make fun of your choices in guys, you can't make fun of my choices in women."

"Okay. I'll stop." Dean pulled out his phone, sending a few quick texts to Roman. He was telling him 'goodnight' and that he couldn't wait to see him again. He already missed being with him. It was still so weird to him how he was falling for him so fast. Never did he think that this would happen. He wished that things were different, that he didn't have to be forced to go out to do stuff he didn't want to do.

"Where do you want me to drop you off?"

"Behind the alleyway. The guys house is not far from it."

"Okay. I'll be nearby just in case."

*******

"I've seen that guy around before." Seth said.

"Who? Dean's friend, Sami?" Roman asked.

The two of them were heading back to their homes. It was getting late and their parents would start to worry if they weren't back by a specific time.

"Yeah, seen him on the street I used to live on. He was selling drugs and used to work at a pizza restaurant. Delivered to my house once. He got fired from the place."

"What for?"

"Me and a couple of friends went to the place. Saw him arguing with his boss outside. Got a little violent with him too and almost had the police called on him."

Roman frowned, hearing that. "Doesn't sound like he's much of a good influence. Maybe I should convince Dean not to hang out with him so much?"

Seth shrugged his shoulders. "That would be his choice to make. Yes, it would be a good idea to keep him away from that guy, but trust me. If you do that, you might ruin what you have with him."

"You're right. And perhaps maybe we could be wrong about him? I mean, Dean's not exactly perfect, he makes poor choices himself, but he's not a bad person. So maybe Sami's just as good as he is?"

"Hmm...maybe. Still hard to tell though." Seth went up onto his porch as soon as the two of them were at his house. This was where they would say goodbye to each other for the night. "I don't know. Dean is different from that guy. They may be similar but Dean is nice. You can tell he has a good heart. His friend...he just looks like he can be an asshole."

"You could be wrong, Seth." Roman waved goodbye to him, then headed off into the direction towards his house. He got home a little after ten. Finding that the lights were off, which meant that his mom and sister were asleep. He went up the stairs as quietly as he could.

Soon he made it to his room, shutting the door behind him. He took off his shoes, then laid in bed. He couldn't help but to think about Dean, wondering if he was doing alright out there. At least he knew that he wouldn't be cold. He would have to take a picture of him wearing his jacket sometime, cause he looked so cute in it. He turned around on his side and got up. He needed to get his mind off of the other teen, so he decided that he would do some homework before going to bed. He went over to his desk, already seeing that his notebook was on it, open. But upon seeing the handwriting, he realized that it wasn't his, but Dean's notebook instead.

"Hmm. He must have forgotten about it. I'll have to return it to him tomorrow."

He was about to close it, because he didn't want to look at what Dean was writing. It wouldn't be right of him to look at it. It was private, unless Dean wanted to show him someday. But yet, he couldn't help but to take a peek into what went on inside his angel's mind. He also figured that maybe it could help him understand him more. So he flipped through the pages, stopping on one recent entry that he saw.

_'Hey, its me again. Surprise!_

_It always comes down to this. Me writing in here again, trying to understand myself. Trying to get all this negative shit off of my mind. There has been a change though. I'm with somebody new. Roman. Just got together recently. Don't know if it'll make things better, but I want to give us a shot, see where it goes. Other than that, my life is still the same._

_Its so weird, all of it is. Everyone that I see, they all have somebody. Me? I'm an outcast. Okay, yeah, I have Roman, but who the fuck knows how long that'll last. He'll soon see that something is not right with me. And he'll be against me, just like everybody else...I don't know...maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I can't help but to think that soon he'll realize he made a mistake._

_I need to write some more. Human beings, they don't ever test themselves, give so much credit, power to their thoughts. They limit themselves to only what they know about. They don't realize how much they can change. I am an exception. I am able understand that our thoughts are powerful, that anything is possible._

_I would like to believe I am safe in this physical world, that I can find happiness here. I would love to believe that nothing could ever go wrong. But I can't let myself be blind to the facts. Everything could go wrong in just one moment. Its like a bomb just waiting to explode until something sets it off. This is why I have created a world only for myself. My own space inside my mind where I feel safe and at peace. Only when I'm with Roman do I feel that its okay to come out._

_With Roman its different. I feel different. When I'm with him I am changed. I don't feel like I am this evil, bad person. For a while now, I have felt that way about myself. Ever since the supposed 'accident' I have been sinning, making so many mistakes. Giving into the darkest side of me. Roman calls me his angel...I am anything but that...I don't want to ruin this image his has of me, but I want him to understand. There's a part of me that wants to be good, but there's a part of me that wants to be bad. I want my revenge. I want to see the world burn.'_


	9. Chapter 9

He sat in the chair, staring at what seemed to be the sleeping face of his mother. Except she wasn't sleeping, she was in a coma and he still had hope that soon she would wake up from it. Then things could go back to normal at home. He had brought her her favorite flowers, placing them in the vase beside her bed. Daffodils. They would always go down to the river when he was younger, picking some.

"Hi mom. I hope they're treating you well here." He smiled down at her. "I miss you so much. Life at home is getting crazy. We need to get away from that bastard you got with. He's started hitting me more and making me go out to make money."

He grabbed onto her hand, holding it tightly in his. Silently crying, he was thinking about how it had been so much better in the past. When it had just been the two of them. Until his stepfather had came into the picture. He didn't consider him to be a father to him at all, not with the way he treated him. The man was abusive towards both him and his mother. She would always do whatever she could to protect him, hiding him away so that he wouldn't also get hurt.

He wiped away the tears, trying to pull himself together. He wouldn't let himself cry. He knew that things would be better soon, that his mother would soon wake up. He had to remain strong for her.

"Don't worry too much about me, mom. I-It's getting a little better now. I'm with someone now and he tries to do whatever he can to protect me. He treats me well. I'm just not sure if it will last though."

He checked the time on the clock, seeing that it was almost time to leave. Today he was on a schedule and the person who had brought him here, was his stepdad. Who was outside waiting for him. Dean knew he couldn't make him wait too long or else there would be a punishment for him.

"I have to go now. I'll come back to see you soon. I just hope you'll be awake next time." He leaned over, placing a kiss on her cheek. "I love you, Mom. Goodbye."

He left the room, going into the hallway and headed towards the elevator. Another day and still no sign that she would wake up soon. He wouldn't lose hope though, cause he knew his mother would never leave him. Not when he needed her most. The elevator soon reached the first floor. He walked slowly towards the hospital doors, not wanting to get in the car with his stepdad. While walking towards the car, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He figured that it must have been Roman, wondering if he was going to be able to spend the night at his place. He would be able to tonight, since he was going out to make money early today.

He got in the car with his stepdad, sitting in the backseat. "You can drop me off on the corner near the park. I'll head over to the guys house from there. I'll bring back your beer later this afternoon."

"You better make enough money for more than just my beer, kid. I want you to start paying some bills in the house. You can also give me money for that stupid cat."

"But I need money to keep my phone on and to also get stuff for my cat!" Dean shot back at him. "Don't you make a lot of money from your job anyway?"

"Not nearly as much as you think. If it were up to me, I would kick you out of the house, but I can't do that since I would get in trouble."

"You knew what responsibility you would be taking on when you got with my mom. You're supposed to take care of me, but you don't. You're a shitty excuse for a person."

"You watch that mouth of yours, boy. I will not put up with anymore backtalk from you."

*******

Emotions and questions ran through his mind. After reading that entry in Dean's notebook, Roman realized that there was so much more he didn't know about him. Yeah, Dean did open up to him about the abuse at his home, what his step dad made him do and about his mom. But not this. He could understand the doubts Dean had about their relationship not lasting long, because he knew about his trust issues and insecurities. But this whole image he had of himself that he was an evil person and wanted to see the world burn. Stuff about getting revenge. It made him wonder what sort of thoughts went on through his mind and what sort of revenge he wanted.

He heard the door open to his bedroom. Without looking up, he knew exactly who it was.

"Hey, I'm done with work early tonight." The auburn haired teen plopped down on the bed, going to nestle himself in his lap. "You want a cookie? I got them from your kitchen."

"My mom made those cookies for Amy to take to school tomorrow." Roman said.

"Oh. Well, she ain't going to miss a few, is she?"

Roman chuckled a bit, ruffling Dean's hair a little. "Don't worry about it." He put one arm around his waist, kissing him gently.

Dean kissed him back, smiling a bit. He would never be able to get enough of this, the way that Roman treated him. When they broke apart, he stared into his eyes. "So, you happy I get to spend the night with you?"

"Of course. But there's something I want to talk to you about."

"What?"

"You left your notebook here. I was going to give it back to you on Friday, but didn't see you at school. I didn't read much, only one entry that you put in there when we got together."

Dean pulled away from him, angry that Roman had read what he was writing. He understood that he meant no harm in doing so, but what he wrote was private and he didn't want others to intrude on it. Plus he knew others would see his writings as messed up and might have him committed or worse.

"Dean...I-I'm sorry..."

"You should know better than to intrude on something personal to me, Roman. What's in that notebook is my business, not anyone else's. If I wanted to share that with you, I would."

Roman looked down, feeling guilty. "I know. I know I shouldn't have looked and I'm sorry. I just wanted to get a better understanding of you. See what it is that you don't tell me."

"There are things that I can't tell you. If you've looked at everything that is in there I know for sure it would scare you away from me."

"Maybe..." Roman said, risking a move towards Dean. Placing a hand on the back of his, and the other on his back. "But I already know about what it is you do, what you go through at home. I wasn't scared then."

Dean looked up at him, putting his trembling arms around his neck. He kissed him deeply, running his tongue along his lips. Roman opened up to him, granting him the access he wanted. They sought to taste one another, their tongues dancing around each others. They both moaned into the kiss, breaking apart when needed to.

"I'm not this perfect angel you've made to be, Roman...I'm too sinful and dirty to be."

"Don't care." Roman shook his head. "You will always be to me." He kissed along Dean's neck, while running his hands underneath his shirt.

Dean laid there in his lap, enjoying Roman's mouth, his hands all over him. He still wasn't ready to go all the way yet with him, but wanted to take it a step further. He sat up for a minute, taking off his shirt. He then reached over, helping Roman get his off. He loved how Roman looked, a nice chest, and bit of muscle to him. He ran his hands down what he considered to be perfect. His skin felt so soft underneath his.

Roman felt the same about Dean. Seeing how small he was, but still had some muscle on him too. Some bruises and cuts on him, but he still found him to be beautiful. Nothing could ever change his mind about that. He wished that he could make him see how beautiful he was.

"Don't look at me like that." Dean said. "You know nothing won't change my mind about how I feel."

"Only you can do that for yourself." Roman shrugged. "Just let me admire you, cause you look so amazing."

"I'm not the beautiful one here, its you that is." Dean shook his head. "Besides, what's inside is more beautiful, but even that part of me is ugly too."

Roman sighed, running a hand through Dean's hair, as he sucked on his nipples. "Someday you will see what I see." He noticed that Dean was moving down lower, he tongue licking around his belly button. "Hey, get back up here."

"You want me to make you feel good, don't you?" Dean winked up at him.

Roman blushed at his words. "O-Of course. But you don't need to do that yet. Get back up here and sit in my lap."

Dean did what he was told, going straight back into Roman's lap. Both teens were sitting up on the bed, and Roman moved a hand to Dean's jeans, getting them unzipped. He pulled them down a little, rubbing his cock through his boxers. Dean thrusted his hips into Roman's hand, moaning at the touch. He did the same, wanting to make him feel good too. He felt how hard he was, and he imagined what it would feel like to have him inside him. He reached inside Roman's boxers, grabbing onto his thick cock. He stroked it, rubbing his thumb on the tip of it. Roman's hand was now on his too. He shivered at the touch, bucking up.

Roman liked seeing Dean like this, loved the expression on his face. His eyes closed and his mouth open, moans and gasps coming from it. He bent down, sucking on Dean's neck, stroking his cock faster. Dean grinded down into his lap, and he bucked back up. He put his free hand on Dean's ass, squeezing it. He groaned from the feeling of Dean's hand on his cock, and imagining how it would feel to be inside him. The thought alone was enough to bring him to his orgasm. He bit onto Dean's shoulder, cumming into his hand. Roman biting down on him did it for Dean. He buried his face into his chest, letting out a cry as his orgasm hit him.

Both of them laid back on the bed, each catching their breath. The first time they had did something sexual together and it was amazing. Roman kissed Dean's forehead, moving away a few curls as he did so.

"You bit me." Dean laughed a little. "That'll leave a mark."

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

"Don't worry about it. Besides, I liked it when you did that."

They both laid together for a little bit longer, holding onto each other. Soon the both of them were getting hungry, so Roman decided to go make them dinner. They headed downstairs into his kitchen. He took out a box of mac & cheese and some hotdogs for them to eat. While Dean watched him get the food ready, he grabbed another cookie, which Roman noticed him do.

"Didn't I say those were my sister's?"

"Its only one more. She's not going to notice."

"Yeah, but my mom might." He turned to Dean. "Dinner will be ready soon."

"Alright. Hey, there was something I wanted to ask you."

"What is it?"

"My kitten, Ginger. Do you think your mom would mind if I brought her over here and you help me take care of her?"

"I don't see why not. Do you think its not safe for it to be at your place?"

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah. I would feel much more better knowing she's here with you. Knowing that asshole, he would kill it."

"That's not good." Roman frowned. "Its not safe for you to be living with him either. You need to get out of that house."

"I know, but I have no choice."

"Yeah, but from the looks of those bruises on you, I can tell that its pretty bad. How much more do you think you can take? Dean, we need do something about this."

Dean stood up, placing his hands on Roman's shoulders. He gently kissed him, trying to calm him down. "Hey, nothing ain't gonna happen to me. I know how to defend myself. If things got more out of hand than what they are now, I would kill the bastard if I need to."

_'I know it is not right that I feel this way. To feel like a waste half of the time. I know that what I do and suffer through is not good for me, but hey, I gotta do whatever I can to survive._

_Anyway, I find myself falling more for Roman. He appreciates me so much, makes it alright for a moment. I'm enjoying everyday that I spend with him. Haven't felt this way for a while. Sami thinks I'm crazy for being with him, thinks I could find someone better or get back with Renee. He can be an ass sometimes. But I do love the guy. We've been best friends for a long time and we always have fun together. He's helped me through a lot during the past few years. He's always been there for me, where everyone else has just left. They promised they would stick by my side, but turned their backs on me. Makes me so angry when I think about it._

_Now I have Roman in my life. I hope I don't fuck it up. Really want this to work out, but I don't know yet if it will. I hope I don't scare him away and he doesn't leave me. Don't know if I could handle it, now that I'm starting to trust him more. I want to let him in more, but I'm so afraid of what he'll think. I've did my fair share of some drugs (thanks to Sami), drinking, damaging property, etc._

_I've done a whole lot of stuff in my short life that I'm not proud of. Maybe someday I'll open up to Roman, let him know more about me, but not yet. I can't fuck this up. Anyway, I need to get out of this house soon. Just going to the park. Roman's busy right now, so can't go over to his place. Sami's busy with Leah. Hopefully not for too long, cause the fucker owes me some pot. He better not forget like last time!'_


	10. Chapter 10

"Come on Dean, hurry the fuck up!" Sami yelled out from his truck.

"I'm coming. Just hold the fuck on!" Dean yelled out back to him. Him and Sami were heading to the park tonight. Sami's girlfriend, if that's what he wanted to consider her as, was coming along and so was a few of Dean's other close friends. Darby Allin, a kid who was a few years younger than him and lived out of town. And Matt Hardy, another guy who was around Sami's age.

Dean came out of his house, wearing a hoodie and carrying two bottles of vodka he took out of the refrigerator. He knew that his stepdad wouldn't notice because he had done this before and would be able to replace them as soon as he could. He also grabbed the pet carrier, with his kitten inside. He got outside, getting into the backseat of Sami's truck.

"Alright, man. You ready?" Sami asked him.

"Yep."

"Kay. Let's go meet up with the others." Sami pulled away from Dean's house, started driving to the park that was a few miles away. Leah was sitting in the front seat with him. She stared back at Dean, confused that he was bringing his cat with them.

"What's with the cat?" She asked him.

"I'm taking her to Roman's place. Sami's dropping me off there later."

"Who's Roman? Never heard of him."

"None of your business."

"Don't be such a bitch to me, Dean. I was just wondering who this Roman guy is."

"Like I said, its none of your business, Leah. I know exactly what it is you do when you meet new guys. You try to get into their pants."

"Hey! Knock it off, man! Chill out. She doesn't want your man." Sami yelled back at him.

"Oh? So this Roman guy is your boyfriend? Since when did you turn gay?" Leah asked.

"Leah, leave him alone about it, okay? It doesn't matter to me that he's dating him." Sami said.

"I'm in full support of him being gay. I just never figured Dean would be the type to be interested in guys."

They soon got to the park, seeing Matt and Darby outside near one of the tables waiting for them. It was a pretty late time that they were at the park, eleven at night. There weren't really any houses nearby, so they didn't need to worry about being loud. Dean enjoyed moments like these with his friends. Just getting drunk, acting a fool, and forgetting about his troubles at home or at school. The three of them went up to Matt and Darby, greeting them.

"Hey, Matt! Darby! Its been forever since you guys came into town." Dean said.

"Yeah, its not often we get to hang out. So, what have you been up to, Dean?" Darby asked.

"Hmm. Just the usual. You know. Just still dealing with shit."

"I hear you. Did you bring some other shit besides the alcohol?"

"Yeah, of course man. Sami remembered that you don't drink. He'll get something for you in a minute."

As Dean was busy chatting with Darby, Sami sat with Matt on the bench, helping him get a joint ready for the group of friends. Leah sat next to him, trying to kiss up on him, but he shoved her away, telling her he was busy. Dean couldn't help but to roll his eyes at her antics.

"Jesus, Leah. You can never stop acting like such a horny bitch, can you?"

"Fuck you, Dean." Leah glared at him. "I'm sure you would be doing the same if your man was here."

"What does she mean by that?" Darby asked him.

"I'll tell you about it later." Dean avoided the question, not wanting to come out to the other two just yet. Instead he just kept on drinking more and more, his mind becoming a foggy mess. Plus after smoking some of the weed, he got even more fucked up. Not being able to walk or think straight.

He was currently sitting on top of the slide, staring up at the night sky above him. He could hear the others laughing about something, but he ignored them. He was too busy, thinking about what it would be like to just get out of the town he lived in, move far away from this place. He wondered where he would go, if he would be alone or with someone. Perhaps he could take Roman with him? No. Not possible. The boy would try to talk some sense into him before he would ever think about running away with him. He could probably take Sami with him, but would it be possible with his criminal record?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of glass shattering. He looked up, seeing that one of the bottles had been smashed. And Sami was holding onto the other one, ready to smash that one too.

"What the fuck, man?" He chuckled, shaking his head at him. "We'll get in so much trouble."

"Not like we haven't before." Sami replied back, throwing the bottle to the ground, breaking it into pieces.

Dean jumped down from the slide, running over to Sami. Darby skated past them on his skateboard, and Matt was still drinking, laughing at Leah, who was trying to do a pole dance by the swing set. Dean picked up the part of the bottle that wasn't broken, staring down at it.

"Hey!" Sami snatched it out of his hand. "Don't even think about it."

"I wasn't thinking of doing anything."

"Sure you weren't." Sami turned his head towards the sidewalk, and noticed a small, short guy with a red beard walking. He was carrying a few books, had a backpack over his shoulder, and was wearing a hat. Sami smirked, nodding his head at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes, walking with him towards the guy. He knew how much Sami liked to scare the younger teens, the nerds and shy types who couldn't defend themselves. As they got closer, Dean recognized the kid, having seen him in his school a few times. Didn't know his name, but could recognize his face anywhere. Sami jumped in front of the kid, making him scream and drop his books.

"P-Please...don't hurt me!"

"Awww, are you afraid?" Sami laughed at the kid, shoving him into Dean who was behind him. Dean backed away a bit and the kid fell on the ground.

"I-I have money! I-I'll give you all of it, just please, leave me alone!"

"He don't want your money, kid." Dean said, looking down at the terrified kid and feeling sorry for him.

Sami swung the broken bottle piece near the kid, ripping his jacket a little. The kid flinched a bit, moving away fast from him. Sami did it a few more times, not exactly hurting the poor guy, but almost coming close to. He then dropped the broken bottle piece on the ground and yanked the kid up by the collar of his jacket.

"You listen closely, little guy." He growled in his face, and Dean saw the kid nod his head fast. "You see my friend behind you? I'm sure you both go to the same school. Right?"

"Yes! I see him sometimes!"

"Do you fuck with him?"

"W-What?"

"I said, do you fuck with him?!"

"N-No! I don't even talk to him!" The kid thrashed in Sami's hold, trying to get away, but was kept still.

"How I do know you're telling the truth? How do I not know that you're just trying to save your ass?"

"Let him go, Sami." Dean spoke up finally, feeling guilty and wanting to put a stop to this. This kid never did anything wrong, just hung out with his own friends and left him alone. "This kid is harmless. He don't cause me any trouble."

Sami growled again, letting go of the kid and shoving him down. "Get the fuck outta here."

The kid hurriedly picked up his books, and ran as fast as he could away from the two of them. Sami yelled out to him 'you got lucky this time!', which sent a cold chill up Dean's spine. He knew what Sami was capable of, it didn't matter to him whether the kid didn't mess with them, for he was still seen as weak and vulnerable prey. An easy target. Dean had his own demons, his own thoughts about violence, but never towards someone innocent.

"Why must you mess with the nerds, Sami? They don't do nothing."

"Screw that!" Sami snapped at him. "You said it yourself, Dean. They do nothing! They stand by and watch as another student gets the shit beat out of them. They avoid you like the plague."

"But what can someone like him do? He hardly has any muscle on him to even defend himself."

"That is what makes him weak, that he doesn't know how to use other ways to help, to exact revenge on the rest."

Dean rolled his eyes, hearing Sami talk more about the way he viewed the world. Yes, Dean was the same way, but he wanted to give this life another chance, not waste it by acting like a cold blooded killer.

"I'm serious, man! Don't roll your eyes at me!"

"I know you are...but there's gotta be another way..."

"Don't be a hypocrite, Dean. You tell me how you would like others to suffer for what they did to you."

"But...I don't wanna act upon those thoughts. Why do you think I go over to your dad's place, out in the country, and take out my violence on random objects?"

"Dude, whatever." Sami sighed, rubbing his face. "One day you'll change your mind. You'll realize that you gotta attack, fight back. That you gotta pull that trigger first."

Dean ignored him, kicking away at some stones. He didn't know if Sami was right or not. He had been through tough shit, but had never decided he wanted to live a life of crime, terrorizing others and hurting them, before they could hurt him first. He didn't want to become like that...In fact he wanted something else. Sami went on about things the wrong way, and Dean didn't want to go down his path.

"Well, Sami. Its getting late. Plus, that kid could have called the cops on us, and those assholes might come and see the mess. If I get in trouble, I won't get to see Roman tonight. I'll be pissed at you if I don't."

"Wanna see your lover boy?" Sami teased him.

"Shut the fuck up." Dean punched him playfully.

"Fine. I'll take you over to your boy's house. But you owe me for this."

"Yeah. sure. I'll come with you to your dad's house next month. We'll get up to some better shit there instead. Plus its in the middle of nowhere, so hardly any cops."

Sami led them over to his truck, both of them getting inside it. "Fuck yeah. I was going to take you there with me anyway. Giving you an early birthday present."

Dean's ears perked up at this. "Oh? What you getting me?"

"Can't tell you. But I know you'll like it."

"Better not be fucking pot again or I'll slaughter you."

"You love it. And remember, that wasn't the only gift I got you last year."

"The knife you gave me? I could have gotten one myself."

Sami glared at him. "You ungrateful ass."

They soon arrived at Roman's house. Roman was sitting on the porch, waiting for Dean. Dean said goodbye to Sami and then went up onto Roman's porch, bringing the pet carrier with him. He put his arms around his neck. He went in to kiss him, but Roman pulled back, because his breath smelled like alcohol.

"You've been drinking?"

"Yeah." Dean nodded his head, going in to kiss him again. This time he was successful, but the kiss didn't last for long.

"Come on, lets get you inside so you can sleep this off."

"We can't make out or anything?"

"I just want you to relax for now. Besides, you'll wake up with a bad hangover in the morning and will be feeling like shit."

"You're no fun." Dean complained. He felt Roman pick him up, and he carried him upstairs to his room. He was placed on the bed, and got some help getting some of his clothes off. Roman handed him a pair of sweatpants, which Dean took from him. Roman told him to put those on, while he went to go get his cat. Once all that was done, he laid on the bed with Dean, resting his hands on his waist while rubbing his back. He had let Ginger out of carrier, the cat climbing up onto the bed, curling up at his side.

"I'll have to get her stuff from my place tomorrow." Dean said. "You'll take good care of her, right?"

"Of course I will. She'll get used to it here, though she'll probably be meowing for you."

"Yeah, that's because she loves me." Dean said, while petting the cats fur. He looked up at Roman. "You sure you don't want me to suck your dick?"

Roman smiled at him, leaning down and kissing his forehead. "Dean, babe. You know I'm not with you for just fun, right?"

"I know...but I want to be useful to you..." Dean turned over on his stomach, laying his head on Roman's chest. "I'm no good to anyone if I can't be useful."

"Don't say that. You don't need to do anything for me. You are enough to me, Dean." He ran a hand through his auburn curls, relaxing the youngest.

Dean hummed, enjoying the affection he was receiving. He buried his face in Roman's chest, his hands curling his shirt up. He loved it about Roman that it wasn't just about sex between them. He didn't have to do anything to keep him around. All that mattered was that he was there with him.

"You're going to make this harder for me..." He whispered to himself.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're making me fall for you more and more each day. If this relationship ends, I think it'll be hard for me to let you go."

Roman lifted up his face, staring deep into his eyes. "I ain't ever gonna let that happen. You're staying with me for a long time."

"I hope so." Dean moved up, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm going to miss you when I'm away at Sami's dads house next month."

"You're going away?"

"Only for a couple of days. Won't be gone long."

"Maybe I could come with you?"

Dean shook his head. "No. You wouldn't like it there anyway. Plus you would be more concerned for my well being if you saw what me and Sami get up to there."

"Why? What is it that you do there?"

"Never mind, okay? Don't worry about it. Just know that I keep myself safe, alright?"

"Alright, I trust you."

Dean leaned over, kissing him again, his hands going to Roman's hair. The other teen kissed him back and that made Dean smile. The kiss lasted for longer and got slightly more rougher. Dean used this as a distraction to turn them both over, so that he laid beneath Roman, the movement startling his cat, who hopped off the bed.

"Dean," Roman started.

"What? We're just making out." Dean smiled innocently at him, as if he had done nothing.

"I know what you're trying to do. And we're not doing anything while you're drunk. That would be taking advantage of you."

"How is it taking advantage of me if I'm enjoying it?"

"Still not right. Besides, I want you to be able to remember what we do together, you know, sexually." He moved behind Dean, pulling the blanket up and covering both of them. He put his arms around the auburn haired boy, resting his head on his shoulder.

Dean rested beside him, feeling sleepiness ready to creep in. He sighed happily, as Roman kissed at his neck, making him more relaxed. Being here in Roman's arms felt right, so very perfect. As far as he knew, nothing could ruin a moment like this between them. No fucked up part of him was gonna mess this up for him.

"Rome?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"If I...If I turn out different would you still want me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Um...you read my journal, right? You see how crazy I can get, right?"

"You want the world to burn..."

"Yeah, that." Dean stopped for a moment, wondering what would be the right thing to say, how he could explain himself. "I've been hurt so much, Rome. What if...I wanted to actually fight back? To make others feel the pain that they've put me through?"

"I don't relate to where you're coming from, I've never felt how you have before, Dean. But I am sort of able to understand why you would want to do that, but will it make you feel better?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know...I've always thought that it would, but I'm still not so sure."

"Well, just know that even if you do, it won't make me hate you or push me away from you. I'll be scared for your own well being, but wouldn't want you any less."

Dean smiled slightly, closing his eyes. He wanted to forget about this conversation. He didn't know how to explain everything just yet to Roman, and it was his fault that he didn't completely understand. This was one of the things he was afraid of. Getting so close to someone and not knowing whether if he would accept the darkest side of him or not.

_'Uh, hello again. The only one who'll ever really understand me._

_Not much has changed. Sami is spending so much time with Leah. I call her a leech, because she ALWAYS has to be with him! Bitched Sami out the other day about this and he hung up the phone. Fucking asshole. I may got Roman now, but it doesn't mean I don't wanna spend time with my best fucking friend. I made a drawing earlier, not a good one, but have killed off both Sami and his leech. He deserves it since he wants to ignore me._

_But I can't be mad forever. I got Roman! OH MY GOD. He is SOOOO sweet._

_He took me out for ice cream today, and we went to see a movie. Afterwards we went back to his place and cuddled and watched wrestling. I've never felt this way before, not even with Renee. I think I may be falling in love? Its still too soon to say...but it feels close to it. We're like total opposites but I love everything about him. His humor, his sweetness, how shy he gets, how protective he gets of me, and I especially love his amazing body. He is amazing. I just hope I don't fuck this up. I'm so scared to reveal to him more about me. I know it'll eventually come up, but I don't want it to be anytime soon! Grrr._

_I think about him a whole lot. Imagine his face, the sound of his laughter, his voice, stuff that we'll do together. I feel as though we're made for each other._

_Do soulmates exist? Cause I think I've found mine.'_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is a slightly graphic rape scene in this chapter. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up before reading. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the next five chapters! And thank you for all of the kudos everyone! Much love and appreciation to you all!

Dean opened his eyes slightly, hearing his cat meowing. He turned his head, seeing her pacing back and forth near the door. He removed Roman's arms from around his waist, waking the other teen up. He got up from the bed, going over to the door and letting Ginger out.

"What time is it?" He asked, still feeling a bit tired and hungover.

"6 am. We still got a bit of time left before school today."

Dean hummed in response, sitting back down with Roman on the bed. He grabbed his pants that were on the floor, putting them back on. Roman watched him, a smile on his face. Dean fell asleep before he did, and he watched over him, before sleep took over him also. Dean looked so peaceful while he was asleep and he still did now. His curls were a little messy and he was currently rubbing his eyes. Dean looked over at him, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"What?"

"You're so adorable." Roman leaned over, giving him a quick peck on his lips.

"Am not."

"Yes you are. Don't argue with me."

"Whatever." Dean laughed, standing up. He grabbed the jacket Roman gave him, that was hanging on the chair to Roman's desk. He put it on, and he knew that the other loved seeing him in it. "I have to go to my place."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nah. I'll be fine on my own." Dean said, while working on getting his boots on. "I'm just picking up the stuff for my cat and some clothes and other things. I'll drop them off here, then meet you at school."

"You mean, you're going to live here with me?" Roman asked, suddenly getting excited. Hearing this from Dean made him so happy and relieved. He wouldn't have to worry about Dean getting hurt more and the situation getting worse.

"Not exactly, but I will be here with you more often." Dean noticed that his words had upset Roman, and he sat back on the bed with him, pulling him into a hug. "You have to understand. My mom is still in a coma. If I leave that house for good, he'll pull the plug and I'll lose her."

Roman held Dean tight against him, not wanting to let go. He couldn't help the few tears that fell down his face. "We'll find a way to get you out of there...I hate seeing you get hurt."

"I can handle it, Roman. I'm used it."

"But your body can only take so much." Roman looked up at him, grabbing his face in his hands. "Please tell me, Dean. What do I have to do to protect you from him?"

Dean closed the distance between them, silencing him with a kiss. At first Roman tried to pull away, because he was trying to help Dean, talk some sense into him, but he gave into the kiss, gently moving his lips on his. Dean's hands grabbed onto his shoulders, pulling him down on top of him. They made out for a little bit on the bed, before realizing that they both needed to say goodbye to each other soon.

Dean waited, while Roman quickly got ready. Once he was, they both went downstairs and headed outside. They both kissed and hugged one last time, before parting ways. Roman heading the way towards their school, Dean heading over to his house. He wanted to make this quick and get the fuck out of here fast. He had forgotten to tell Sami last night to make a quick stop at a store, so he could replace the vodka he had taken. He quietly went up the stairs to his bedroom, not seeing any signs of his stepdad.

He grabbed a bag from his closet and threw it onto the bed. He grabbed some clothes out of his dresser, some money he kept hidden away, his notebooks, some movies he owned and other stuff he wanted to bring with him. Next he grabbed Ginger's toys, emptied her water and food bowl, then putting them in the bag also. He was too busy packing up everything that he didn't notice the sound of footsteps in the hallway, stopping at the doorway to his bedroom. He finally noticed when he heard that voice that he feared.

"You're finally back home." His stepdad growled from behind him and Dean turned around, seeing that he was very angry. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I-I'm...spending the night at Sami's place..." Dean stuttered out.

"Funny, you were away last night." His stepdad rolled his eyes. "For all I know, you could have called the cops, but you know they wouldn't believe you."

"I...I wouldn't do that..."

His stepdad didn't believe him for one moment, shoving the teen up against the wall, holding his arms at his sides. Dean shivered and he felt sick, struggling to try to break free of his hold, but to no avail.

"You're a very disobedient little brat!" His stepdad spat in his face. "You stole two bottles from the fridge and you lie to me about where you were?!"

"I didn't!" Dean screamed back, trying to push him off of him.

"So what's with the jacket? Did you think I wouldn't notice? You're trying to run away, aren't you?"

"Well, I certainly don't want to be here with you!" He finally got his hands off of him, getting out of his hold. "You've abused me and my mother! You put her in the hospital, you piece of shit! All you've done is made our lives hell! I won't let you get away with this!"

His stepdad growled, slapping Dean across the face. The slap sent the teen to the floor. He sat up and brought his hand up to his cheek, rubbing at the bruise that was forming on it. His stepdad yanked him up by his hair, punching him hard in his face a few times, making Dean cry out in pain. He then pushed him back onto the floor, kicking him a few times.

After his stepdad was satisfied with how badly he beaten him up, he left the room and Dean breathed out a sigh of relief, hoping that he was finished him. He was about to get back up, when he was yanked up again and brought over to his desk. His stepdad sat him down in the chair, then put a paper and pen in front of him. Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wondering what was going on. What was the man up to?

"I'm so sick of this bullshit." His stepdad growled in his ear. "I'm sick of taking care of your ass. You are nothing but trouble. Just like your worthless friend and whore of a mother."

"Don't talk about them that way..." Dean said through clenched teeth. "You know nothing!"

"Shut the fuck up." Dean's head was grab and his face was shoved forward on the desk, his forehead being hit hard. Dean got a good look at his own face when his head was lifted back up. One eye was horribly bruised, a cut on top of his forehead, and a split lip. His stepdad let go of him, then started speaking again. "You are a burden on me, kid. And its time that I get rid of you."

"W-What are you going to do to me?"

"I want you start writing. Write your own suicide note. You're a worthless, miserable brat, and if you want to die so much, I'll gladly take care of it for you."

Dean's eyes widened with fear, and he starts trembling. He picks up the pen, holding onto it tightly. He wishes he could get away from this man, but he is trapped, with no where to go. "H-How do you want me to start it off?"

"Surprise me. I know you can come up with something that will make it look like you took your own life."

Dean looked down at the paper, then started writing.

_'If you are reading this, I am gone...'_

*******

Roman closed his locker shut, after grabbing the books he needed for his next class. The third class he had today, math, which he didn't particularly care for, but his teacher, Shawn Michaels, helped made it a little more easier to do. He had a bit of time left before then, so he pulled up his cellphone, checking to see if Dean had called or texted him, but nothing. This worried him, because Dean should have been at school by now. He promised he wouldn't be long at his house, but Roman hadn't seen any sign of him or heard anything from him since this morning.

Seth stood beside him, knowing that Roman was worried about the other boy. He knew how much his friend cared and loved Dean so much, and he didn't like seeing Roman so upset. He himself was also worried for Dean and hoped that he was alright.

"I'm sure he's fine, Roman. He'll be here soon."

"He should have been here earlier, Seth." Roman replied back, feeling so frustrated. "Fuck. I shouldn't have let him go back on his own. He could be hurt right now and its my fault for not going with him."

Seth grabbed Roman's shoulders, making him face him. "And what would you have done? Do you really think you could take his stepdad on? Roman, he would have hurt you also."

"I don't care! I rather it be me than Dean getting hurt!" Roman yelled back at him.

A voice called out to the both of them. "Reigns, Rollins, come on! Get in here or you're going to be late!" Their teacher, Shawn Michaels. Roman sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do right now but wait until after class. During lunch, him and Seth would go over to Dean's house, to make sure he was alright and to get him out of there for good. He wasn't going to let Dean take anymore abuse from his stepdad, no matter what Dean said. It wasn't safe, and Roman wanted both Dean and his mother out of the horrible situation they were in.

*******

He had finally finished writing, finishing up the fake suicide note. It was perfect. The words were beautiful. Dean would have been proud of it, but not while he was forced to write and make it look like he had actually committed suicide. He put the pen down. "It's done."

He handed the note to his stepdad who was sitting on the bed. He read what Dean had wrote, making sure everything was perfect and it was. The police would believe that his stepson had taken his life, he would get away with killing Dean and his mother. He put the note back down in front of Dean. He then grabbed one of his wrists, holding a knife up to Dean's skin. He sliced the knife down Dean's arm, making him cry out in pain. He held the arm over the note, letting the blood drip down on it.

"Make it look like you have cut both your wrists." His stepdad said, while slicing Dean's other arm up. "They'll believe it, because you have plenty of other scars on your arms."

"F-Fuck you..." Dean whispered, feeling so helpless, feeling weak for not being able to defend himself against him. He could hear Sami's voice in his head, telling him to 'fight back, do something, make him suffer', but he was unable to right now.

His stepdad laughed at him, while making him stand up. He held the knife up against Dean's throat, not yet wanting to kill him. He wanted to do so much more to the young boy. He shoved Dean forwards, making him bend over, and this made Dean feel more sick to his stomach. His stepfather was about to do what all of the other dirty men had done to him, and he tried to push him off, but was held down firmly on the mattress.

"Get off of me!" Dean cried out, clawing back at his stepdad's hands that were currently undoing his belt and trying to get his jeans down.

"Hold still, kid." The man said, getting Dean's jeans around his ankles. He pulled Dean's arms back, tying the belt around them.

Dean closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. He was so scared and he knew if he didn't do anything soon, he was fucked. Literally. But what could he do? He was trapped, his arms tied back, and was helpless to do anything. He heard his stepdad taking off his own clothes and then spitting into his hand. Dean tried once again to do something, at least scream out for help. His stepdad laughed at him and told him he could scream all he wanted to, but no one was coming to help him.

Dean soon felt the tip of his cock up against his entrance, and felt him pushing in. He let out a howl of pain, as he was taken by force, feeling himself tearing up and he knew was bleeding. He felt his stepdad lean over him, his weight pushing him more into the mattress. He wasn't given any time to adjust to the pain and was being thrust into repeatedly.

He opened his eyes, his vision a little blurry from the tears, but he could see something in front of him that was in reach. The knife. If he could just get his hands free, he would be able to put a stop to this. He wasn't going to let himself die here, wasn't going to let this man hurt and control him anymore. He struggled against the belt, trying to get his hands free, and he was finally able to get it off. Thankfully his stepdad was too distracted, relishing in the pain he was inflicting upon him. Dean reached for the knife, grabbing onto it. He then quickly moved his hand back, stabbing his stepdad in the stomach.

He heard the loud cry from him, and soon his weight was off of Dean. Dean quickly pulled his jeans up, moving away from his stepdad that was on the floor. He lifted the knife up and stabbed him multiple times, not stopping until he knew that the man was unable to do anything to him anymore.

Dean got out of there as fast as he could, stumbling a bit on his feet. He kept on running, not caring if he was getting more weaker by the minute or how much pain he was in. All he wanted right now was to get to Roman. He knew he would be able to help, be able to help make this nightmare end.

He finally reached the school, going inside. There was no one out in the hallways and he figured everyone was in class or at lunch. He made his way to the bathrooms and went into one of the stalls, knowing he could hide in here until Roman came. He slid down to the floor, his body in so much pain and worn out. He used the last bit of his strength to pull out his cellphone and dial Roman's number. He soon heard his voice on the other end and he smiled slightly.

"Dean, where are you?! Why aren't you here yet?! Did something happen? Please tell me you're alright!"

"R-Roman...I'm here...I'm okay..." Dean said, coughing a bit, feeling blood in his mouth.

"You...don't sound okay...Where are you?"

"In the bathroom on the first floor. Come find me, please. I need you."

_'If you are reading this, I am gone..._

_It is already too late._

_It is over._

_Don't try to save me, for I am now at peace. This is what I wanted. I am a burden to everyone. I don't belong here. I am too different from everyone else. No one can ever understand what it is that I go through. I spend so much of my time wishing to end my worthless, miserable life._

_But as I write this I feel sorrow, for what I couldn't achieve. The only thing I've ever wanted. I've wanted to make others pay, to make them suffer like I do. I want to inflict the pain I feel upon everyone else who has ever ridiculed me, made me feel so different, like I am freak, a terror upon this world. YOU ARE ALL SO LUCKY! SO LUCKY I HAVE DECIDED TO END THIS NOW! You would have never expected the type of revenge I could have extracted upon you all. You would have been at my feet, the smell of your fresh burning corpses a sweet scent to me._

_You would have tried to put the blame on anything else. How I dress, the music I listen to, the violence in so much media. Know that this is all your fault. You're to blame for what has happened. You have been taught to act like murderers and sheep, always making the outcast suffer. You've never accepted me, treated me like a normal human being. You threw me away and called me trash._

_YOU ARE THE ONES WHO FUCKED UP!_

_THIS IS THE RESULT OF YOUR CHOICES!_

_MY DEATH, MY BLOODY MASSACRE ON MY OWN BODY, WILL BE THE BURDEN ON YOUR SHOULDERS!_

_YOU ARE ALL DEAD TO ME!_

_Think whatever you want to about me. Am I insane? Was I fucked up? Maybe. Was it my fault? No! I never deserved this. I did not choose this worthless existence of mine, but I have chosen how to exit it. I would have chosen to do it another way, with a bullet in my head, but unfortunately I don't own a gun, so all I can do is slice my fucking wrists up._

_I'm sorry...For all of the blood you'll have to clean up from my dead body. That's the only apology you'll get from me._

_I now leave you with a quote from my favorite song, Wicked Young Man: "I'm the devil's little soldier, I'm the devil's little tool."_

_Fuck you all._

_Dean.'_


	12. Chapter 12

When Dean finally came to, he noticed that his surroundings were different. He was not in the school bathroom anymore, but was lying on a hospital bed, and also in the same room with him was Roman and Seth. He sat up slowly, letting out a groan of pain. His body still hurt after being beaten up badly by his stepdad and being forcefully taken by him. The other two noticed that he was awake and were relieved at this. Roman got up from his chair, getting much more closer to him. He gently grabbed Dean's face, his fingers rubbing over the bruise on his cheek.

"Dean, you're finally awake."

"R-Roman...How did I get here?"

"Don't you remember? You called me, telling me where you were. Me and Seth found you passed out in the bathroom."

"G-Great...So now your friend gets to see how beaten and bloodied I am."

Seth spoke up from where he was sitting. "It doesn't matter to me how bad you look, because I was worried about you too when I saw you in the bathroom."

Dean shook his head, laying his head back down on the pillow. "Fuck...it still hurts. Everything fucking hurts!"

"You'll be okay." Roman said, smoothing back some of Dean's curls. "The doctor will give you some pain meds to help with that."

"Yeah..." He turned over on his side, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in. "So, did anyone else see? How fucked up I looked?"

"Yeah, they saw." Seth replied. "Roman tried his best to get you out of there, but a lot of the others saw you."

"I bet Baron was among them. Oh, he's gonna find this funny, I just know it. He'll never let me hear the end of it."

The doctor who had helped in taking care of Dean, when Roman and Seth brought him to the hospital stepped into the room. "Ah, Mr. Ambrose. Its good to see that you're awake."

"Yep. And still in pain."

"Don't worry, we'll give you something to help with that. Well, the only thing we have taken care of is stitching you up. You had some internal bleeding."

Dean hid his face behind Roman's arm, feeling embarrassed that a few nurses and the doctor had to see him like that.

"Don't worry about being embarrassed. Its something that had to be done. Now, I'm going to recommend that you stay here for a day or so, then once you leave I would suggest you go to therapy. For what happened to you today and whatever else you've been dealing with."

Dean rolled his eyes at this. Of course he knew this was coming. He knew what the people would say when they found out about his situation at home. An abused teen at home, almost raped by his own stepdad, and he also hurts himself and talks about wanting to take his own life. He didn't want to go through with this, having others feeling sorry for him. He could deal with it from Roman and wasn't reminded about it from him about his fucked up life.

"I don't know if I'll go, doc...I could try, I guess." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "But I don't know if it'll fix anything."

"Just know it'll be the best thing you can do for yourself. You need to get some help, talk to someone, and I'll be happy to suggest a good therapist for you. Also, we have some news about your step-father, Nate Bowers."

Dean's blood ran cold at this. Was the asshole still alive? Even after he had stabbed him multiple times, enough to almost kill him. "I-Is he here?"

The doctor nodded his head. "Yes, he's here. They're treating his injuries right now."

"They shouldn't." Roman spoke up, making Dean look up at him. "That son a of bitch abused Dean and tried to rape him. He could have almost killed Dean and you're going to save his life?"

"Look, its my job to, no matter what. The police are coming to question him. They're going to want to talk to Dean also. The good news for you, Dean, is that they're going to arrest him when he's recovered."

"What about me? What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, you'll need a new home to go to-"

"With, Roman. I'll live with him from now on."

"As long as its okay with his parents. Anyway, you need to get some rest and both of these boys will have to leave soon."

Dean needed to know just one more thing before the doctor left. "Wait! B-Before you go...I need to know about my mom...How's she doing? Did she wake up yet?"

The doctor didn't know how to answer that, without upsetting the young boy. He looked at Dean, a sad expression on his face. "I'm afraid that I've got some bad news...I'm sorry, Mr. Ambrose, but she passed away last night. There was nothing we could do."

Dean had to hold himself together, to stop himself screaming. All of the abuse he had put up with, for what? He made a sacrifice and promised to wait until she woke up. He thought it would be worth it in the end, but it seemed that life just wanted to hurt him more.

*******

A few days went by and soon Dean was able to leave the hospital and go home with Roman. Roman's mother was fine with the other boy staying with them, especially after finding out what happened to him and that his mother was dead also. She felt sorry for Dean and wanted to give him a good home.

Dean meanwhile, had hardly spoken for the two days he was in the hospital, feeling depressed because his mother had died, and all of his suffering was for nothing. He was also not eating as much. The young teen had become very withdrawn, only finding a little bit of comfort from Roman, but it still didn't help him much.

He was now sitting on Roman's bed, with Ginger curled up in his lap. He was wearing shorts and a sweater, the sleeves covering up his scars. A movie was on, but he wasn't paying any attention to it, for there was too much on his mind. Roman came into the room some minutes later, carrying a bowl of soup for him.

"Here, babe." He said, giving it to Dean. "Eat this. You must be hungry."

"No, I'm not." Dean said, setting the bowl on the table besides the bed.

"Come on, Dean. You have to eat. You haven't had anything all day."

"So? I don't care." He laid down on the bed, curling into himself. He hadn't really done much since he got here. He had been sleeping a lot, still not opening up about how he felt and had refused to go see a therapist. He had also not been to school ever since the incident. He feared what others might say about him. They had to have known by now what had happened, because it was in the papers. He knew that if he went back, he would be facing a lot of ridicule.

Roman laid on the bed with him, curling up behind him. He put his arms around Dean, holding onto him tightly. Later tonight, him and Seth would be going over to Dean's house, grabbing all of his stuff. Dean was also being picked up by Sami later, and as much as Roman disapproved of Sami's influence on Dean, he couldn't stop him from being friends with him. That was Dean's choice to make. Plus he figured it would be good for Dean to get out of the house for a bit.

The youngest teen was quiet, staring at the wall instead of the movie that was on. He had hardly acknowledged Roman's presence. It was like he wasn't there. Just him and his own tortuous mind.

"Dean, talk to me." Roman spoke to him. "What are you thinking about?"

"My life is such a wreck..." Dean whispered to himself. "Everybody at school is going to know..."

"You'll get through this. I'm here for you. We'll make this better."

"You don't understand." He turned to Roman, finally looking at him. "I've lost my mother. All that I had went through...just to wait for her to wake up? What was the point?"

"I don't know...But I do know she wouldn't have wanted you to put your own life in danger."

Dean choked back a sob before continuing. "I just don't get it...Roman, do you believe in God?"

Roman nodded his head, wondering why Dean had asked that question.

"What kind of God allows something like this to happen? I prayed and gave up my own dignity, tried to do whatever I could just to keep my mother alive. But she was taken away from me. Why would he do that?"

"I couldn't tell you, Dean." Roman shrugged. "Only he knows why that happened. But you can't blame yourself for her death. You're hurting yourself more, babe. You don't deserve that."

Dean remained quiet at that, not wanting to tell Roman that he saw this differently. He felt that he had every right to suffer more, for he had not done enough. He saw himself as someone who was weak and that he could've done something to prevent this.

He snuggled more into Roman, feeling a bit of sleepiness catch up to him. He was so tired. He only found peace when it was like this, wrapped up in his lover's warm embrace. For a while they remained like this, both holding onto one another. Until it was time to separate. Dean's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he knew it was Sami, on his way to come pick him up.

Roman also heard the doorbell ringing, so he went downstairs to go answer it, while Dean got dressed. He opened the front door, and Seth came in, carrying a few bags with him. The two toned teenager went to the living room, sitting on the couch.

"Sorry I'm late. Was talking to Finn online. He told me he's applying for college and that he wants to travel abroad."

"That's cool."

"Yeah, but I'm going to miss him. It sucks that I can't go with him." Seth looked around a bit, checking for any sign of Dean. "So um, where is Dean? How's he doing?"

"He's upstairs getting dressed. And not so good."

"Have you done anything to try and cheer him up?"

"I've tried, but nothing I do seems to be helping." Roman stared down at the floor. "I don't know what I can do. He's worried about school and blames himself for his mother's death."

"That's no good. He's being real hard on himself, isn't he? Well, just keep trying. I'm sure he'll come around."

"I hope so." Roman said. They both heard footsteps coming their way, and soon Dean had joined them both. He waved to Seth, before going over to Roman. His put his arms around him, burying his face in his chest.

"Sami will be here in a few minutes to pick me up. We're stopping at the store, before going over to his place. Do you want me to pick anything up for you?"

"No, that's okay." Roman kissed Dean's unruly curls, earning a soft sigh from him. "You just be safe, Dean. Don't get into any trouble."

"I'll try not to." Dean looked up at him, his eyes sort of forming up with tears. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"Don't be." Roman wiped at his eyes, trying his best to make Dean feel better. "Listen to me, Dean. I know its going to be hard, but I promise you it will get better. Its just going to take some time."

"What if it doesn't? I don't want to bring you down with me. You are so perfect and I'm just a fuck up."

"No you're not." Roman hushed him, kissing him gently. "Whoever tells you that, they're wrong. You're an amazing and beautiful person, Dean. You deserve all that is good in this world. Your mother would also be proud of you. She doesn't want you to destroy yourself, she wants you to be happy."

Dean gave him a small smile, then kissed him once more. Could Roman get anymore perfect? He was accepting and always so sweet to him. Was very patient with him and Dean felt guilty for shutting him out.

"You're gonna make me cry again, Rome." He sniffled a bit, trying to hold back his tears. "Was trying to take my mind off of it, but you got me upset again with this sentimental talk."

"I'm sorry, I only just wanted to make you see the truth."

"Its fine, I'm okay. Just...I don't know what I do if I didn't have you in my life."

They embraced each other once more and then let go, when Dean noticed Sami was outside waiting for him. Dean left, saying goodbye to Roman and Seth, promising to be back by morning. He would stay with Sami at his place for the night, spend some time with his friend. He got into the truck with Sami, who was happy to see that he was doing a bit better physically.

"Hey, man. Its good to see you again."

"Good to see you too, Sami."

"Sorry I didn't come see you at the hospital."

"Its fine, you're forgiven." Dean relaxed in his seat, rolling down the window. "Still feel like shit..."

"I heard about your mom. I'm sorry that that happened. And also for what your stepdad did to you."

"Please, can we not talk about it? I just want to forget about everything for tonight."

"Well, you made the right choice by getting out of lover boy's house."

Dean shrugged his shoulders, not really agreeing with him on that. Despite Roman making him feel emotional about his situation, he actually wouldn't have minded if he came with him. He would have loved to still have him by his side, hearing him speak to him, and running his fingers through his hair. He had fallen hard for him and it was the only that stopped him from going insane.

_'Wish I could be blind to this, wish happiness was easy to achieve. I accept my pain, my sacrifice that I have to make. I am angry and I am sad. I can't deny what I have become. My only hope is to die for this. I may go down still broken, but my revenge will be sweet._

_For now, I must keep punishing myself, make myself hurt. What is the use in celebrating when there is so much sorrow inside me?_

_I cannot help it that I am this way. That I am so different from what others expect me to be. I've been thrown out into this world, trapped in this hell. I'm trying to be so special to you, yet I'm still scared you'll abandon me. What I want, what I need...will it just be taken away from me?_

_Can you see me for who I really am? A human or a monster? Will you still love me then?_

_If you leave then surely I would be nothing. It would be the most cruel punishment. You are all I have left._

_I love you. But I am too afraid to admit that. You're something I can never have. You are so perfect and beautiful. I'm just a disgusting demon.'_


	13. Chapter 13

After a while of not having been to school, Dean finally gathered up the courage to go. He knew it would be tough and that the other students and his teachers would ask questions. Baron and the others who made his life hell, would try to bring him down, but he would do his best to ignore them. At least try to.

He had also come to terms with his mother's death. Roman took him to her grave after she was buried. He had helped him with the process of grieving for her, being there for him the whole time. He was very thankful that the other boy was in his life. He had done so much for him.

Having been together with Roman for so long, Dean realized that his feelings for him had become much stronger and deeper. He was in love with him. Dean didn't think that it would ever come to that, but it did. He had fallen hard and it actually scared him so much. He was so afraid of admitting how much more he felt for Roman. Unlike Roman, Dean knew he wasn't as perfect as him. He knew he was fucked up and that Roman could do so much better than him.

_'He'll see me for what I truly am...a very sinful and disgusting human being...You're too perfect for me, Roman. I can never be like you. We are too different.'_

"Earth to Dean!" He was snapped out of his thoughts, hearing Sami's voice and seeing his hand waving in front of him. "Snap out of whatever trance you're in!"

"Fuck off." He pushed Sami's hand away, sitting back and relaxing on his friend's couch.

"You gotta stop doing that."

"I'm just thinking about stuff."

"Like what?"

"Well, I'll only tell you one of the things I'm thinking about, which is school."

Sami took another drag from the cigarette he was smoking. "You're gonna be fine. As long as you put those assholes in their place."

Dean nodded at him, but he wasn't sure how he was supposed to do that. He knew that almost every one of the students and teachers had to know by now about what went on at his old home. Everyone would give him strange looks when he came back, would tease him about the abuse, the almost rape, and what his stepdad made him do.

"You make it sound so easy."

"Look, man. You always talk about how you want revenge, right? Well, I think its time you go through with it."

"Sami, I...I can't..." Dean shook his head. "I'm not sure if I can do that...especially on school grounds."

"You want them to leave you alone, don't you? You need to stand up for yourself! Let them know that if they mess with you, that you'll attack back! You did it to your stepdad and you can to those pricks!"

"I can't fuck up what I have with Roman!" He kicked at the table, knocking it over. "I'll only scare him away if I show him the other side of me."

"I'm sure lover boy will understand. He sees what trouble those kids give ya. Are you telling me that he wouldn't want you to defend yourself against them?"

"I-I don't know...I don't know what he'll think."

"I have an idea. How about you bring him with you when we go to my father's house next weekend."

Dean let out a groan, running his hands over his face. No! He would not allow it! He wouldn't let Roman be tainted also by that other side of himself. He needed to keep it hidden away, not let him see it. He wasn't going to ruin the only good thing he had in his pathetic, worthless life.

"Sami, no. I can't. I can't let him see that part of me. He thinks of me as his angel. An innocent, flawless being."

"How do you know what he'll think if you haven't even given him that chance to see you as you really are? You can't hide it forever. Besides, from what you have told me he seems to have accepted you despite everything that you have been through. Come on, Dean! If you do this, then it'll take a huge weight off your shoulders. It'll help you."

He had to sort of agree with his friend on this. Eventually Roman would find out, which was what he didn't want, but sooner or later, Dean would have to tell him. Also, maybe it would be better if he told him, showed him soon. If he kept on pushing it to the back of his mind, it would only eat away at him more, causing him more pain and frustration.

"Fine. I'll bring him with me. I just hope this will turn out good for me and him."

_'Don't open your eyes, you won't like what you see'_

*******

Roman looked over at Dean who was walking along beside him. He could sense how nervous he was. He knew this was going to be hard for Dean, going back to school. The other boy was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt underneath the hoodie he gave to him, a beanie that covered his cute curls and a scarf. The part of Dean's face he could see was his eyes and nose.

"You going to be okay?" Roman asked, gently squeezing his hand.

"I'll be fine." Dean said, trying to reassure him. "Its not like I haven't dealt with shit like this before."

"Yeah, but Dean. This is different."

"Let's talk about something else. Roman, I'm inviting you to come with me and Sami to his dad's place next weekend."

"R-Really? Are you sure? I don't want to get in the middle of your guys friendship."

"Sami said it'll be alright. Plus he thinks it'll be good for both of us to get out of town for a few days."

"But...won't you get drunk? Be getting up to trouble there? You know I don't like it when you do."

Dean just gave him a small smile, then went ahead of him towards the school building. Roman called out to him, telling him to wait for him. Both of them had mixed feelings about being together at Sami's dad house. Roman knew that whenever Dean hanged out with him, he would act more different than when they were together. He wasn't sure about going, but if it made Dean happy, then he might go.

He still wanted to talk to Dean about how he would handle being back in school. The younger teen was far ahead of him in the hallway. Roman knew that he was possibly searching for Baron, wanting to make sure he didn't say anything about the incident or do anything to make him uncomfortable.

"So, it seems that Dean is doing good now." Roman turned, seeing Seth behind him. The two toned teen was carrying a tray with four cups of coffee.

"You got four?"

"So?"

"You didn't even know that Dean would come to school today."

Seth chuckled a little. "Let's just say it was a lucky guess. Oh, I also made sure a lot of sugar was put in his coffee."

Roman took two of the cups from him. "The other one must be for Finn?"

Seth nodded his head. "Me and him are going on a date after school. You and Dean should come with us."

"I'll ask him. See if he wants to go."

"Great! By the way, we're going to the pumpkin patch. So, make sure you both dress warmly. I don't want to hear either one of you complain about the cold."

"I'm not promising anything."

*******

Dean saw who he was looking for in the hallway. Baron Corbin. He was with a few of his friends, chatting with them. He walked over to them, interrupting what it was they were talking about. Baron and his friends snickered at Dean.

"Look who decided to finally show their face around here." Baron said.

"Missed you too, Corbin."

"Can't say that anyone here missed you. So tell me Ambrose, what's its like being an orphan now? Since your mom died and your stepdad is in jail."

Dean growled at him, clenching his fists. He needed to keep himself under control, not snap on school property. If he really wanted to, he could do so much harm to Baron right now. The other teen was playing with fire and if he kept on tormenting him, he would get burned. Baron and his friends kept on laughing at him, only feeding that anger more and more.

"Quit it, Baron. If you know what's good for you."

"Can't handle the truth, can you? Face it, Ambrose. You're worthless and pathetic. Your whore of a mother settled for just about any guy she could get. She knew what she was getting herself into."

"You don't know shit!" Dean spat back.

"I do know that you turned out to be just like her. A worthless, street whore, trash. That's all you'll ever be. You'll never amount to anything."

Dean had just about had enough. He lunged at Baron, punching him hard in the face. From the other side of the hallway, Roman saw what Dean just did. He was glad that Dean was able to shut him up, but he needed to try to diffuse the situation. If the principle came and saw what was going on, Dean could get in so much trouble. He tried calling out to him, but Dean didn't hear him. With all of the other students crowding around both him and Baron, screaming for them to fight, it would be hard for Dean to hear him. Baron was about to punch Dean back, but he soon felt something sharp against his side.

"Get the fuck off of me you little shit!"

"You think you're so funny, Baron? It won't be if I cut you up in front of everybody." Dean whispered, so that only Baron could hear. At hearing this, he felt Baron shiver against him, scared that he would go through with it. "You listen to me. You and your friends will leave me alone from now on. If you know what's good for you."

"And what makes you think that we'll stop? You can threaten me all you want, but it doesn't change anything."

Dean just shoved him harder against the wall. "You'll regret ever messing with me. If you do it again, I'll make sure that you pay. Your blood will be on my hands, but I won't give a shit. This is your last and only warning. One mistake from you Baron, and you better make sure I don't see your face here ever again. You better fucking run."

"What is going on here?!" A loud voice rang out through the hall, silencing everybody around them. Hearing that voice, Dean quickly put his knife away. He let go of Baron, turning to head back to where Roman was, seeing his face in the crowd. He just gave him an innocent smile, as if he hadn't done anything.

"This isn't over, Ambrose! Do you hear me?! I'll get back at you for this!"

He just ignored Baron's shouts, wanting to get back to Roman. He made it to him, seeing a concerned look on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ro. Let's just head to class, alright?" He took the coffee that Roman held out for him. "Thanks."

"You can thank Seth for it when we see him. Also, me and you are going to talk about what just happened over there later."

"Don't worry about it. Let's just say that Baron won't be bothering me anymore."

"Dean..."

He was about to reply back, but was all of a sudden, pushed down to the floor. The coffee he had spilled all over. He was able to catch his fall, before his face hit the floor. Steadying himself on his hands and knees. Laughter was heard from all around him. The only person who wasn't was Roman, who helped him back onto his feet.

"What the fuck..."

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Roman said to him. "Do you want to go back home instead?"

"No, I'm fine. I can't hide at your place forever."

"But, Dean-"

"Hey, Ambrose!" The voice of one of Baron's friends, Buddy Murphy, called out to him. "You should pay more attention to where you're going!"

"Ignore him. Let's just get to class." Roman grabbed a hold of Dean's arm, trying to lead him away from the crowd of people around them. But Dean just stood where he was, shaking so much and very upset about what just happened. Roman tried calming him down, rubbing his back with his free hand. The rage, the desire to hurt someone came back to Dean. Nothing would stop him, not even Roman. He took the coffee from Roman's hand, turned around and spilled it on Buddy, making him scream from the pain.

"You fucking bitch!"

"A message for your pussy ass leader!"

"Mr. Ambrose!" A stern voice snapped Dean from his madness. A hand on his shoulder turned him around, and he was face to face with one of the other faces he despised in this school. Principle Hunter Hearst Helmsley. And he didn't look to be very happy with the teen.

"Why hello, Hunts. What seems to be the problem?" Dean grinned up at him, which earned a glare from him.

"Come with me to my office. You and me need to have a talk."

"Yes, sir." Dean gave him a mock salute. He looked over at Roman, who was starting to get worried for him. Being treated like this by the other students, the way Dean was acting. It was all so much for Roman to take in. He knew that Dean had it bad here, but didn't think that he would be treated with such hatred and disgust. He could understand why Dean was lashing out.

*******

"Sit down." Hunter pointed to the chair in front of his desk, to which Dean scoffed at. Who did this man think he was? Barking out orders at him? He would have rather acted defiantly, wanting to kick the chair over, but that would just get him into more trouble than he needed to be in already. With a huff, he plopped down into it, putting his legs up on the desk.

"Keep up your shit, Ambrose, and see where it gets you." Hunter said. "Remove your feet from my desk."

"But I'm comfortable!" Dean complained.

Hunter let out a sigh, running a hand over his face. "Fine. Act like a brat. Just know this won't look good on your record."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I didn't do anything."

"You spilled coffee on Mr. Murphy."

"He pushed me! What else did you want me to do? Let him get away with it?"

"What you don't seem to understand, Ambrose, is that the last thing I want on school grounds is fighting. Also, I know about what you did to Baron. You hit him. Any more of that and I'll have you suspended for a whole entire week."

"Like I said, I didn't do shit. He started it. Him and his lackeys. In fact, they start bullshit with me whenever I'm here!" Dean slammed his fists on the desk, getting angry again. The teachers, the principle, all of the adults knew about what he went through at this wretched place. But they all just brushed it aside like it was nothing. And if he even so much defended himself, he would be the one who got in trouble. It just wasn't fair. Why should he be singled out, when it wasn't even his fault?

"Look, I know you're not happy that they face lesser consequences than what you do. But you see, you're the one who hits them back. Do you know how many calls I have gotten from their parents because you don't know how to ignore them and handle yourself?"

"It sounds like you're on their side."

"I'm not on no ones side. I just think that you, Mr. Ambrose, need to find some sort of outlet to release all this anger and pain in you. Tell me, did you even bother going to therapy that your doctor suggested for you?"

"I don't need fucking therapy! What I need is for you to start doing your fucking job right! Give them a better punishment, instead of letting them off so easily!"

_'Fuuuucccckkkk...Everything is so fucking messed up!_

_Excuse me for not writing for so long. Didn't want to for a while. Was too depressed to. My whole life has gone to shit, except for the one only good thing, but who knows how much longer that'll last._

_For the past few weeks I have not done much of anything. Just going through life as if I'm a zombie. I hate being so pathetic and useless. I just wish I could forget how fucked up I am for a chance to be happy, a chance at true love. To just feel normal for once._

_"I just want something I can never have."_

_So damn true. I hate my life and I want to die. It's not fair. I just want to lay down and have my lover embrace me. Give me pure bliss. I love him even more than I love myself. I don't want to fall deeper and deeper into this downward spiral. I just want to feel alive for once. Feel as though I matter, that I'm not going to regret this worthless existence of mine._

_Fuck. I should be happy. But so much shit has brought me down. My mother is gone, taken away from me. My stepdad tried to kill me and violate me like other filthy men have. I didn't let him. Stabbed the fucking bastard, let out all my rage on him. He's still living, given another chance, when he doesn't even deserve it._

_A horrible feeling is coming over me as I write this. I am so fucking scared. My life is changing so much and I don't know whether if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm living with Roman, at his place, and I'm still hiding my true self from him. I don't wanna lose him. I don't want him to hate me too._

_Why I am not so lucky? Why can't I just be what Roman wants me to be instead of this fucked up person who desires to hurt and to be hurt? If I don't kill myself, I'll live the rest of my life in solitude. I could just get away from this place and forget about all of the horrible memories. But even if I do escape from here, I can never find true happiness. I'm always searching for that unknown destination. Afraid of being abandoned._

_Roman's coming back. I have to go soon. He's gonna try to feed me some takeout, but I'm not hungry. I'm too consumed by my own sadness to even eat or do anything. I just want to curl up with him in this bed. Him holding me, helping me to forget._

_I don't know how he puts up with me. Can't he see that I'm not worth saving? My life is always going to be this tragic case.'_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Animal death in this chapter. Was a bit hesitant to write the scene out, but for the purpose of the story it had to be done.

The weekend had came to where Dean was going over to Sami's dad's place. A nice little home out in the country, far away from the city. Roman was coming with him. Dean felt nervous about bringing him, but he hoped that this experience would bring them more closer to each other and also help Dean to reveal the part of himself he was hiding from Roman.

Sami was going to be picking them up soon. They had already finished packing up most of their things and were now just waiting outside for Dean's friend to show.

"Is anyone else going to be there? Besides Sami?"

"No." Dean replied. "Its just going to be the three of us. Well, Sami's girlfriend will be there too, but yeah."

"So, uh, babe," Roman started. "What are we going to do there exactly? I know you told me about a bonfire, you're going to get drunk and smoke some pot-"

"Yep. You should try some, Ro. It'll be fun."

"Not exactly something I want to try...I'm down for drinking, but I don't know about smoking pot."

"If you don't want to it's fine. We'll still have fun together."

Soon Sami's truck pulled up in front of Roman's house. Roman said goodbye to his mom and sister before getting into the truck with Dean. He said hello to Sami and Leah, then got comfortable in the back seat, holding Dean's hand. It would be a few hours before they made it to Sami's dad's house.

"It just going to be us there. My dad is in another state, seeing a concert this weekend. So, he's letting us stay at his place." Sami explained.

"Sounds great." Roman smiled. "Does he let you do this often?"

Sami shakes his head. "Not very often, no. I had to beg for him to let us stay at his place, told him Dean's birthday would be coming up soon. That's why I'm doing this, for him."

"Oh?" Roman looked at Dean. "So, is that why you asked me to come with you? You wanted me to celebrate your early birthday party with you?"

"That's one of the reasons why I considered inviting you, yeah. But the more important reason why I did, is because I think this will bring us closer to each other and you'll understand me more."

"Understand you more?" Roman furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. What could he possibly mean by that?

"You'll see when we get there...I am a bit nervous and scared of showing you...I didn't want you to see this side of me in the first place...But I can't keep hiding it anymore."

Roman kinda got the feeling that he knew what Dean was talking about. From the writings he had seen by him, he could tell that Dean had a lot of pent up emotion in him, sadness and anger, hurt and bitterness. He could see that Dean hated so many, and blamed them for all of his suffering. And from what that forced suicide note revealed, he wanted them to pay. Just remembering the words from that note sent chills down his spine. Could his sweet and beautiful angel be capable of doing such horrifying things? He didn't want to imagine that Dean could be so different then what he saw him as, but facts were facts. He couldn't help but to think that this experience is going to be different than previous ones.

The ride to the house was a long one. By noon, they made a few quick stops. The first was getting lunch from a rundown fast food restaurant and then a dealer's house. Sami knew the guy and bought pot from him, sometimes even cocaine when he could afford it. The whole ordeal was weird to Roman, because he had never once been in a situation like that, being with someone while they were paying for drugs.

After all that, they continued on their journey. The drive seemed like it was longer than usual, due to everyone in the truck having quieted down. Leah, who was busy texting on her phone, and Dean who had fallen asleep, resting his head against the window. The road was straight for miles and there was hardly anymore houses out here or just about anything that could cure Roman's boredom. The only thing keeping his mind occupied was the music Sami had playing on the radio.

_'He married trouble and had a courtship with a gun...'_

It was a really old song, one that Roman remembered his father listening to when he was still around, when he actually gave a shit about his family. It brought some memories back to him, mostly good ones though. But that part of the song stuck to him and he couldn't help but to think whether it related to Dean, because of his need for revenge against the ones who hurt him.

He pushes these thoughts out of his head, as they were just going to make him feel worse and worse. He needed to just try to enjoy this experience with Dean, their first trip out of town together.

Sami pulled the truck onto a dirt road, which he commented that it lead to his dad's house. A few minutes later, he pulls into a gravel driveway that leads to a small garage. Next to it is the house. It was a small two story house, with blue paint peeling and a backyard with a fireplace. All around the house was nothing but the country side, a brook nearby and a pen of goats that Sami's dad owned.

"Get off the fucking phone, Leah. You ain't gonna get service out here."

"Fuck...How does your dad connect with the outside world? There ain't shit out here for miles." Leah got out of the truck, slightly annoyed that her phone was basically useless out here.

"He don't use all of that new technology. He's old fashioned."

"Yeah, he's an old grouch who needs to get with the times." She huffed, getting out of the truck.

Next to Roman, Dean finally woke up from his nap. He stretched and yawned in his seat, looking over at his boyfriend. "How long was I out for?"

"About an hour. You want me to grab your bags?"

"Nah. That's okay. I got it." The auburn haired teen hopped down from out of the truck, Roman following suit. He set his backpack on his shoulder, motioning for Roman to follow him. "This is where we'll be staying for the weekend. Sami's letting us sleep in his old bedroom, while him and Leah sleep in his dad's."

"That's a bit weird."

Dean shrugs. "Come on, let's go inside. I wanna get my stuff unpacked."

Roman follows him into the house. There is a living room, with a worn out couch and an old tv set in it, a kitchen and small hallway. Upstairs is the rooms and a bathroom. While Sami and Leah go outside in the backyard, both the teens head upstairs. In the bedroom is a twin sized bed, nightstand, and a dresser. They set their bags on top of the dresser and then sit on the bed.

"What you thinking of, babe?" Roman asks, staring into Dean's eyes.

"Hmm... Thinking of how much fun me and you are going to have here. And also what kind of person you'll see me as."

"I don't think there's anything else you can show me that'll make me think of you any less. I already know so much about you, Dean. Your feelings, your personality, and what you're capable of."

"Rome, you don't know what I'm really capable of..."

"Yeah, I suppose so. But that's part of what makes you so interesting. You're unpredictable and I love that about you."

"Thanks...I know you have seen my writings, but those don't show exactly everything in them."

"But what else could there possibly be?"

"You'll just have to wait and see." He leans in to kiss him. The kiss is warm and very affectionate. The room is silent, save for their heavy breathing. Dean pulls back, staring into his eyes. "I love you...I never want you to leave me..."

"I'm never going to leave you. Ever."

Dean gets settled upon Roman's lap, kissing him again. This one is more heated. Roman's hands are settled upon his waist, while he holds onto him. They still have not gone all the way with each other yet and Dean really wants to soon. He hopes that they will tonight.

They stay like that for a while, just making out on the bed, until Sami's voice interrupts them, yelling from downstairs. "Hey, birthday boy! Stop hiding with your boyfriend and get your asses down here!"

"We'll be down in a minute!" Dean shouts down to him.

"Hurry up then! I also got your present waiting for you outside!"

The two teens separate reluctantly. Dean smiles down at Roman, the blush still on his cheeks. "We should get going. Don't want to keep Sami and his girlfriend waiting."

"Yeah, we should. We can continue this later, babe."

"If you want...we could go a bit further tonight..."

Roman is surprised by this. Were they finally going to do it? Make love, have sex with each other? Would he be able to do it right and make sure it was good for Dean for also? "A-Are you sure?"

Dean nods. "I brought the stuff we need. Lube and condoms. Some other things too, if you want to try them out."

"I-I want to! I really do!" Roman replies, feeling shy. "I just hope I can satisfy you enough."

"Don't worry about it. It'll be my first time too...Well, with a guy. But I'm sure we'll both enjoy it." He gets up from the bed, grabbing his leather jacket. "Let's go. I'm sure Sami's waiting for us and wondering what's taking us so long. I also want to see my present."

Roman sits up also, getting his jacket on. It was late autumn and the only thing to keep them warm outside besides their clothes, would be the fire. Which was now blazing, having been set up while they were busy making out. They both head downstairs and into the hallway. They go through the backdoor. In the backyard, Sami is throwing some wood into the fire to keep it going, and Leah is sitting in a chair, nursing a bottle of beer.

"You look like you could use something to help you relax." She says, looking at Roman. "There's some beer in the cooler, also soda if you don't want any."

"I'll have some. I don't really drink much, but every now and then I do."

"You don't really look like the type of person who does...So how did you and Dean meet? And sure, I'll get one for both you and Dean." Leah gets up, walking over to the cooler, grabbing two more beers and then hands them to Roman. They all sit around the fire, Dean taking a seat next to Roman, cuddling up close to him.

"We met at school." Roman replies back, getting the cap off his bottle and taking a sip from it. Dean smiles, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Get a room you two!" Sami shouts, throwing a stick at Dean's head.

"Hey! You ass!" Dean shouts back. "Is that anyway to treat the birthday boy?!"

"You guys can save all the lovey-dovey shit for later." Sami gets up from his seat, motioning for Dean to follow him. "Get your ass up, I wanna give you your present."

Dean rolls his eyes, leaving Roman alone with Leah. He follows Sami over to a shed. Sami tells him to wait outside, while he goes to get his present. "It better not be something stupid, or I swear to God, I'll hit you with it."

"It's not stupid, man. You'll love it."

"Why would you have it in the shed then? You're not going to give me gardening tools, are you?"

"Oh fuck you, Dean. You should know me better than that. Just needed a safe place to put it." He comes out, holding out the present, which is wrapped up. "You better be grateful for this. It cost me a lot of money."

The box the present was in was a little heavy, but not to where Dean couldn't hold it up when it was handed to him. "Jeez, Sami. What the hell did you buy that cost you so much?"

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

Dean unwrapped the box. His eyes widened in surprise, but there was also a hint of excitement in them when he saw what it was. He opened the box and inside of it, was a hand gun. A 9mm semi-automatic handgun. "Fuck, Sami...Wow..."

"I told you it wasn't something stupid. Do you like it?"

"Like it? I fucking love it. You did make sure to buy some bullets for it, right?"

"Of course! I got you a bunch of them, man. Also, one thing. Will lover boy disapprove of you owning it?"

"Fuck..." Dean glanced back over at Roman, who still had yet to notice what Sami gave to him. "I've never really discussed it with him. Never thought I would get to own a gun, ever. I'm not sure how he would feel about it..."

"Well, now's your chance to talk to him about it. You want him to accept everything about you, don't you?"

"Of course I do!"

"So, go talk to him then."

"I-I can't right now...Fuck, I need another drink first. Where can I hide this for now?"

Sami took the gun from him. "I'll just keep it here in the shed until you're ready to take it. You get back to your boyfriend and Leah, and you guys meet me in the front. We're going to have some more fun."

"Like what?"

"Did you think I brought you guys outside to roast marshmallows by the fire? Go on, man. Grab us some more drinks while you're at it, too."

Dean does as he is told, heading back over to Leah and Roman. Roman looks up, happy that he is back. He opens his arms up for Dean to make himself comfortable between his legs while he holds him. But that wasn't what they were going to do now. They could save that for later.

"Come on, handsome. Let's head up to the front yard." Dean says, grabbing his hand. "Leah, you too!"

"What are we going up to the front yard for?" Roman asks.

Dean shrugs. "I have no clue, really. But Sami has something planned. You wanna grab us some beer?"

"Yeah, sure." Roman goes over to the cooler, grabbing two more beers for them both, while Leah walks ahead of them. "What was the present Sami gave to you?"

"Uh...something that could come in handy!"

"What do you mean?"

"Um...how should I tell you this...Uh, Rome. Would you be mad at him if I told you that he gave me a handgun and some bullets to go with it?"

Roman spits out his beer, and looks at Dean, his face full shock. "Please tell me he did not!"

Dean suddenly feels nervous and scared to talk to him about it. He should have known that Roman wouldn't like this. "Rome, calm down. Please? It's not like I'm going to keep it...But...I do kinda want to..."

"No! No, Dean. That's a really fucking bad idea."

"Rome..."

"Dean, what the fuck do you need a gun for anyway? I don't want you owning one! Especially after all that you've been through!"

"After all I've been through?" He suddenly feels angry now, feeling that Roman was accusing him of not being happy. "I'm not going to kill myself with it!"

Roman can sense that Dean is getting angry. He doesn't want to argue with him. He is just concerned for his safety, and doesn't want to see him hurt himself more or worse. "Dean, I didn't mean it that way...shit! I didn't say that you were going to do that..."

"Then what the fuck do you mean by it?"

"I just...Remember when I said you were unstable and unpredictable? Well, I'm afraid that if you keep that gun, and your condition gets worse...you might...you might kill yourself. I'm not saying you will! But I just know how you can get..."

Dean is silent for a moment, just staring at Roman, his hands shaking at his sides. Roman doesn't know what to expect from him, what he's going to say or do next. He just hopes that he didn't say anything wrong to make him more angry. He was starting to think that this whole trip was a bad idea.

"Dean, please. Say something."

"You want me to say something? Well, here it is. Fuck you." Dean spat at him. "Fuck you, Roman. I'm sick of having that thrown in my face. I'm unstable, I'm fucked up! Oh, poor Dean. He's so sad and angry all the time, he needs help, he needs to talk to someone. Fuck that! None of them, not even you, knows what the fuck I need!"

Well. This certainly got more worse. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. "Dean, baby...I'm sorry..."

"Just stay the fuck away from me, Roman! You don't know a damn thing about me! You think you do, but you have yet to scratch the surface of my mind."

"Let's just go inside and calm down. Then we can talk. Dean, I don't want to fight with you..." Roman tried to put his arms around him, to lead him back inside the house. But Dean just shoved him away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" In a fit of rage, he threw the half empty glass bottle of beer at Roman. Luckily it only landed at his feet, but fuck. It scared Roman that he had just done that. "I'm keeping the fucking thing! Whether you like it or not! Fuck, Roman! I thought you would accept me for who I am, but I know now that you're just like everyone else!"

Now it was Roman's turn to be silent. He didn't have anything else to say, what could he say anyway? Oh, that he was okay with Dean getting a fucking gun from his friend? He didn't need one, not with the state he was in. Even if his mental condition wasn't so bad, what other good reason would he need one for? None whatsoever. But apparently Dean didn't seem to think so and he really wanted to understand why.

He watches Dean walk away from him, going into the darkness. Roman wanted to follow him. Not to continue talking to him or bother him anymore about the subject, he only wanted to at least be near him still, watch over him. So after a few minutes of standing by the fire, he decides to walk up to the front, where Dean, Sami and Leah are at. He catches a whiff of something and he's sure that the other three had just got done smoking pot or still were.

He got up there, seeing Sami and Dean standing near the porch, and Leah sitting on the steps, playing a game on her phone. When Dean noticed his presence, he just scowled and walked away, Sami trailing behind him. Roman sighed, standing against the porch, wondering to himself if he had fucked up.

"Just give him some space for now." Leah spoke up. "I'm sure he'll come around. He just needs to let off some steam."

"But what if he's still mad at me?"

"Don't worry, he's not mad at you. He's mad about what you said, and the truth hurts, y'know."

"What are you trying to say?"

Leah chuckled, rolling her eyes. "He's a very fucked up individual. He wants people to feel sorry for him, yet gets mad when they're too concerned for his wellbeing. Honestly, I don't get why you're with him in the first place or put up with his shit."

"Well, for one he makes me happy. I make him happy. I've accepted him despite what he has been through and even when he tried to make me see him as someone who didn't deserve love. There is so much more to him than all this anger, bitterness and sorrow he has in him. I want to make him realize that, give him more than what life has given and taken away from him."

"Good luck with that. People like him are hard to change."

Roman just shook his head, deciding to ignore what she had said. "Well, since you wanted to pry into my relationship, I feel its right for me to pry into yours. Why are you with Sami? What's so special about him?"

That earned him another chuckle from her. "There ain't nothing special about him. I'm just with him for the sex and drugs. Don't know how much longer it'll last though. If you ask me, he's just as bad as Dean, if not worse."

"Worse?"

"Yep. Ever since his second year of high school, he's been like this. Like he's got this grudge against people. He always try to scare them or fuck them up. Like beat them or threaten to kill them. As far as I know, he's never killed anybody. Now, beating people up, he has. He has also robbed a few places and people at times too."

"He seems like an asshole."

"Yeah, he is. But he sure knows how to fuck a girl real good...and put his mouth to good use, when he's not running it so much."

Roman decides not talk to her anymore. Especially after she was putting down Dean so much. He could understand what she was saying about Sami, for he sure seemed to be pretty messed up, but the stuff she was saying about Dean, not of all it was true. He knew that Dean could get better, if only he would let him in more, be more open about how he was feeling. He needed someone who would understand, not for someone to think he was just this crazed psycho.

A cool breeze blew through, and he felt the need to get inside. But he couldn't go back inside yet, not without Dean. He sees Dean far off in the distance, with Sami. They were over near the goat pen. Both of them are high, are laughing and drinking. He sees Sami bend down for a moment to reach for something. When he stands back up, he hands whatever he grabbed over to Dean, who happily takes it from him. Roman can't really make out what it is, but it is long and he's using both hands to hold it, and he is aiming it at one of the goats.

Suddenly a loud gunshot rings through the air. Roman jumps, startled by the sound. The goat that was fatally shot, lets out a short cry, and falls to the ground. It is still alive, but barely. Roman doesn't see it, but Dean has a sadistic grin on his face, and he shoots the goat in head, instantly killing it. When he is finished, he hands the rifle back to Sami, howling with laughter. There is some light where him and Sami are standing, and Roman can see that some of the goat's blood got onto Dean's face.

He could see that Dean's grasp on reality, his sanity at this moment, was a very thin one. He didn't know if it was because his mind was clouded from the alcohol and pot, or if it was just because he was having fun...or was he actually really like this and this was what he wanted to show Roman? This side of him that was acting so cold and had no remorse for the goat's death. What he did know was that this side of Dean horrified him and he wasn't sure whether he liked it...

And he realizes perhaps maybe, he had put Dean on too high of a pedestal.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew. So far things seemed to have taken more of a dark turn in this story, and everyone who is reading this will have to wait and find out how things turn out in the end of this story. Which is a long way off, but we'll get there. But anyway, in this chapter things are explained for Dean's actions in the previous one. I don't want people to see him as someone who is cold and heartless. He is at war with himself and does feel remorse for stuff that he does that he knows isn't right. You're all just going to have to wait and find to see if he will change, turn his life around. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the next chapter. I will be working more on this after another chapter for one of other stories. So keep an eye out for any updates on this story and others! Also, as soon as the other one is finished, I am going to upload it on here. so keep an out for that one also.

Dean held onto Sami, keeping an arm around his shoulders, as they both walked through the woods. It was a short walk from the house. Both of them were drunk and high, completely out of their minds and not making much sense. The other two, Leah and Roman, had decided to remain at the house, while they went out to have some more fun. The two of them were laughing about what had taken place earlier.

"Did you hear the sound it made when I killed it? It was fucking hilarious!" Dean cackled, remembering how it felt when he had shot the goat. It was such an amazing rush, a thrilling experience for him...To have the power to take the animal's life and feeling it's blood spill onto his face. He would never forget it...It was so easy for him to forget that it was just an innocent creature, having done nothing wrong except for just live. He pictured it as something, someone else entirely. With this image in his mind, he pulled the trigger. Wounding the goat fatally and it fell to the ground. Then another bullet right to the head, killing it instantly.

Such a sweet and beautiful sight to behold.

"Yeah, that was awesome, man! You really showed it who was in control!" Sami laughed, taking a sip of his beer.

"Mhm, yeah." Dean also took a sip of his own beer, finishing it off. He threw the bottle away. "Still, would have been better if it was Baron Corbin instead. Imagine his face if he were right there in front of me, on his knees, begging for mercy."

"I'd love to see you do that. You putting him in his place. Or...Should I say putting him down?"

"I would make sure to blow his head off! Wouldn't care if his blood splattered all over me, in fact, I would bathe in it."

"You sick fucker."

"What I can say? I'm a very sick guy. My desire runs deep. I would show everyone how much of a whore I am...A whore for bloodshed and revenge!"

Sami then bursts into laughter, taunting Dean. "Dude, you would get slaughtered before you could even celebrate your victory. You would be killed in an instant."

"I don't care. At least they would remember my name, remember what I did. The flames of my hatred and pain would forever be carved in stone."

"You're an incoherent drugged up idiot."

"That's something else they'll put in the papers, man."

The two of them laugh and talk about various nonsense until they finally reach the stream that leads straight back to the house. It was starting to get late, was cold out, and both of them needed to be heading back. Dean had calmed down. He let go of Sami, stumbling backwards. He fell onto the ground, laughing at himself for his own antics. He laid in the grass, staring up at the night sky above him. He asked Sami to hand him a cigarette and lighter, which he did. He lit it up, taking a drag off of it.

"I can just see it happening now, Sami...The bloodiest massacre to ever occur. Having all those assholes at my mercy, begging for me to spare to them. I won't show them any. I can never forgive and forget what they did. It's their fault that I am the way I am."

Sami sat on the ground with him. He used his hands to dig into the dirt, tracing out lines in it with his fingers. "I can picture it happening, Dean. But...There's something I wanna ask you..."

"What is it?"

"Do you think you could actually go through with everything that you're talking about now? Getting revenge?"

Dean takes another puff of the cigarette, then exhales. "I don't know...It's not that I'm scared to, it's just I don't know if I could do it alone. I need someone who could indulge in my needs, my darkest desires. Only then can I truly let go and my sanity will slip away..."

"I see." Sami sits in silence for a moment, tracing out the lines in the dirt with his index finger. He knows what Dean means when he says he needs someone to indulge him in his needs and darkest desires...Which means he can't be the one to join him in this war against the world, show him how loyal he was to him. This makes him angry, to know that Dean won't ever see him that way. It makes him want to laugh, or yell, or break something. But he can't do any of that. It would be futile.

He looks at Dean who is lying on the ground, his eyes closed. The teen looked so calm and at peace. Sami couldn't help but to notice that his shirt was riding up slightly, revealing some skin underneath. He wants to reach out and touch, to feel that warm skin against his. He holds himself back from doing so, knowing it would only anger his friend.

"We should head back now, man. It's getting late. Plus, I don't wanna hear Leah bitch." Sami stands, helping Dean up, who lets out a groan.

"Ugh...I'm gonna have a killer hangover tomorrow..."

Sami laughs. "Well, you should have thought about that before you drank so much."

"Fuck you, Sami."

*******

Roman is laying in bed, staring at pictures of him and Dean on his phone. Dean looked so happy with him in them, but underneath that smile of his was a lot of pain and anger. He knew this, because he had seen and been told by Dean himself of the hurt he has experienced in his short life. But before it seemed so simple, Roman thought it would be so easy to make Dean feel better. Make him a more happier person. He knew that Dean had not been dealt a good hand in this life and the auburn haired teen considered himself worthless.

But what Dean had shown him tonight, it was a whole lot more than what he could handle. His angel had fallen from grace right before his eyes. Roman saw him for what he truly was, a ticking time bomb just waiting explode. A few tears fall from his eyes, as he thinks about the uncertain future. What could possibly happen if he couldn't help Dean. Help him break free from his own madness. And would Dean even want his help? What if he only pushed him away? All of this was making Roman feel scared, and not for himself, but for Dean.

He knows he should leave Dean now, let him take care of this on his own. It would all become too much for Roman, knowing that his efforts to help him might end up in vain. He shouldn't have to be the one to help Dean out of this dangerous mindset, but he couldn't find it in himself to abandon him.

Roman looks at the alarm clock by the bed, seeing that it's past two in the morning. He sighs, leaning his head against his pillow. He is about to fall asleep, when he hears the door opening. Footsteps approach the bed and he feels the other side of the bed dip. He knows that Dean has just came back, who is busy taking off his boots.

He hears the rustle of clothing, before he feels the bed dip again. Roman looks over at his side, seeing Dean curled up under the covers, his back turned to him. He wants to say something, anything to the auburn haired teen. But would now even be the right time to? What if him saying something to him just starts another argument between them? He also knows that Dean is drunk too and is probably about ready to pass out. The silence in the room is uncomfortable for him as he lays there next to Dean, staring at his backside.

Finally, Dean speaks, his words slurring together. "Don't...leave me..." he utters, Roman knowing that he is referring to his condition.

"Dean...I..." Roman begins, but he stops himself. What if he just makes Dean angry again? He is so worried for him, but he doesn't know whether or not Dean wants his help, wants to be saved.

He hears the rustle of sheets as Dean turns around. His eyes look dead, like he isn't really there. "You can't leave...I can't lose you too..." He says, and there's a sadness in his voice that breaks Roman's heart. Roman knows he needs to say something, otherwise he might regret not doing so in the morning. But what?

"I'm not leaving..." Roman says finally. He doesn't know if he believes those words himself, but instead of saying more, he decides to pull Dean closer. He doesn't want to say anything too much, he just wishes that was enough to make him feel better, but he knows there's more they need to talk about.

"I can't lose someone else...I lost my mom...I can't lose you too..." Dean says.

"You won't...you won't lose me..." Roman replies. "I-I'm staying with you...because I care...Because I love you..."

He feels Dean hug him tightly, as he cries into his shoulder. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." he utters over and over again, though this time, it sounds more like a mantra. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up..."

"No, you're not. You're just human." Roman replies.

"I'm not human...I'm a monster..."

Roman doesn't say anything to that. He can see that it's tearing him apart inside. He holds him tightly as he tries to reassure him that he's not leaving.

Dean continues to speak. "It...It felt good...to kill that goat, knowing it's life was in my hands...It felt good because I imagined it as every single one of those kids that hurt me...As my stepfather...As my own damn self..." He breaks down sobbing, his body shaking. Roman tries to comfort him, holding him tightly. He understands that it's a scary thing for him, to let himself lose control and let his madness take over.

"I'm sorry..." he manages to get out between his cries.

"Don't be sorry...You have nothing to be sorry for..." Roman says in an attempt to calm him down.

"N-No..." Dean says, as he looks up at him. "Y-You don't understand...I-I have tainted your vision of me...I'm no better than a cold blooded killer..."

"You...are not...You are not like that..."

"I am...I've done things...things that I'm not proud of..." Dean sniffles, wiping at his eyes. "I'm better off alone...I don't want to bring you down with me."

"You won't..."

"I'm already falling apart...Sooner or later, I'll lose my grip on reality...Please don't hate me for it..."

"Hating you is the last thing I'd ever do..." He takes Dean's face in hands, kissing his trembling lips slowly. "Stop pushing me away, Dean. I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

"I'll never be good enough for you..." Dean says in between kisses.

"You are good enough...And I'm certainly not perfect myself."

Dean doesn't say anything, but continues to kiss him. He gets on top of Roman, making the kiss more deep and heated. He moans into it, wanting to lose himself in the pleasure that is building up between them. He pulls away from the kiss, staring into Roman's eyes. "I-I need you..."

"Dean...We can't...Not now...We should wait..."

"No. I-I need you now...I can't wait anymore." He grinds himself into Roman, whimpering as he wants more. "Please...I need you..." He feels his member twitch between them, getting harder with every second that goes by.

"We can't. We need to stop."

"No...I need you inside me...I need you now..."

"Fuck, Dean...I want to, I really want to..." Roman bites his lip nervously. He knows they shouldn't, because Dean is drunk right now, because he is not in the right state of mind. But the way Dean is begging for him, pleading with him...It's getting harder for him to hold back and to not give in.

"I need it, Roman..." Dean moans. "I want you to hurt me. Ravish me. Fuck me hard and rough...Just do it..."

That last part is probably the most enticing thing Roman has heard yet. He wants to give into his every wish and need right now. He knows they should wait though, because he definitely doesn't want to do this when Dean's drunk. Or maybe he does...

"Fuck, Dean...We...We..."

Dean leans down, whispering into his ear. "Please...I need you..." He grinds his ass down against Roman's member that is still in his sleep pants, trying to get his point across.

Fuck it. There's no going back now.

He sits up, pulling the rest of his clothes off and he also pushes Dean's pants and boxers down to his ankles. This was it. They were really going to do this. He couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. He wanted this just as badly as Dean did.

He grabs onto Dean's ass, spreading his cheeks. He knows they should use lube, but the bag is too far away, and he doesn't want to let go of his lover. Dean is shivering above him in anticipation at what is to come soon. He gasps into Roman's ear, feeling a fingertip prodding at his sensitive hole.

"Hurry...Please..."

He works his finger in, as Dean's hole sucks on it greedily. God, he was so tight and warm inside. Roman feels himself growing more aroused by the feeling, biting his lip to keep himself from moaning. He works in another finger, moving both around inside of Dean's ass. Searching for that special spot that would make him see stars.

Which he finds soon enough.

"O-Oh god...That feels good...Don't stop..." Dean whimpers.

"Not going to..." Roman says, continuing to finger fuck him at a steady pace.

He traces his tongue along the shell of Dean's ear. Dean writhes above him, closing his eyes and whimpering more at the sensation.

"T-That's enough...I need you inside me."

That was all Roman needed to hear. He pulls his fingers out of Dean's ass, and then rolls them over so that Dean is laying beneath him instead. Dean looks up at him, spreading his legs, while he strokes his hard, aching cock. He stares down at Dean's tight hole, wanting to be inside of him so much.

"Don't hold back..." Dean whispers, as he pulls him into him. "I don't care how much it hurts. I want you fuck me like you hate me. Let out all of your frustration on me."

"Not going to hurt you." Roman says, lining up the tip of his cock to Dean's hole. He strokes his cheek, as he slowly pushes the tip past the tight ring of muscle, making Dean wince. He stops moving, concerned that he had hurt him.

"Keep going..." Dean whimpers, holding onto him tightly.

Roman nods, and continues to do so. How could he deny him when he was begging for it so beautifully? He slowly but surely works his way in. It's the most amazing feeling ever. Dean is so tight around his cock. Once he is finally all the way in, he latches his mouth onto Dean's neck, sucking on it.

"God, you're so tight. I could get used to this."

"Fuck me, Roman."

He begins to thrust in and out of him at a steady pace. Dean's hands roam over his body. He lifts up Roman's face, kissing him roughly, as he being thrusted into. They both moan at the pleasurable feeling. Dean wraps his legs tightly around Roman's waist, pushing his hips back against him.

"Harder...Fuck me harder..."

Roman wants nothing more than to fuck him into tomorrow, so he does just that. He picks up the pace, thrusting more faster and harder into him, hitting his sweet spot over and over. Dean cries out, scratching his nails down Roman's back. It feels so good. So perfect.

"Gah! Roman!" Dean arches his back, his grip on Roman tightening. All he can do is hold on, while he is being fucked so good. His body writhes beneath him, and each thrust is hitting his prostate. He not sure if he'll be able to last much longer. He doesn't want this to end. He wishes they could stay like this forever.

"R-Rome..." He whimpers, his voice breaking. "T-Touch me..."

Roman continues to thrust into him, as he wraps his hand around his cock. Dean cries out, loving the feeling of his hand on his hard aching member and having his prostate hit at the same time.

The pleasure is all too much for him. He screams, crying out Roman's name, his seed spurting over Roman's hand and onto his stomach. It all becomes too much for Roman too. He feels that tight hole clenching down on his cock and he cums with a cry of his own, releasing into Dean.

He collapses on top of Dean, catching his breath. Their first time doing it...It was perfect. Dean lays beneath him, also catching his breath. Dean holds him, as he rests his head on his chest. "Damn...That was..."

"Perfect. You were amazing."

"I'm glad I was able to satisfy you during our first time. I was worried I would hurt you."

"Hurt me? No...God no. That felt so good. I'll never forget it."

The two of them lay there, basked in the afterglow of their intimacy. After a short while, Dean kisses him gently, then begins sit up. Roman does so also, grabbing a rag off of the nightstand next to him to clean themselves up. Once that is finished, Dean goes over to his bag. When he comes back to the bed, Roman sees that he is holding his knife.

"What's that for?"

"Give me your hand."

"Huh? What for?"

"Just please...I need to do this..."

Reluctantly, Roman holds out his hand, which Dean grips tightly. He holds the knife up to Roman's palm and slices down. Not too deep to where he'll lose lots of blood, but enough to draw some.

"Ah!" Roman winces as the pain shoots through his hand. "What are you doing?"

"Trust me."

Dean does the same to his own palm. He presses their bleeding hands together, lacing their fingers. "I love you, Roman." He says, as he leans in to kiss him.

"I love you too, Dean." Roman smiles as their blood mingles together and runs down their fingers.

They were now truly apart of each other, feeling more closer than ever before.


	16. Chapter 16

The sun shined bright through the curtains, as Roman opened his tired eyes. He didn’t want to get up anytime soon, for he was content and comfortable, especially with his lover, Dean, lying next to him. Dean was currently still fast asleep, snuggled up against his back. His arms were around his waist, holding on tightly, and his face rested on his shoulder. He didn’t want to disturb him, wake him from a sound sleep. A few minutes passed by, before he decided that he would turn over so that he wasn’t facing the window, and try to get back to sleep.

He turned over slowly, feeling the coolness of the sheets under his body. Dean shifted a little in his sleep, mumbling something. He closed his eyes, and tried to fall back into slumber. He found that he couldn’t though, with thoughts of what happened last night on his mind. Dean being a given a gun for his birthday, the argument they had, the goat’s death, what Dean said to him when he came back to him…He remembered that they made love to each other. And it was perfect.

"Roman?" Dean whispered, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah." Roman replied, groggily opening his eyes. He sees Dean staring back at him, smiling at him. Nothing but love and affection in his eyes. He wishes there wasn’t so much that needed to be talked about because he didn’t want to ruin this beautiful, special moment between them. But he knew they needed to talk about it. It couldn’t be forgotten about.

"Hey, beautiful." Roman says, giving him a small peck on the lips.

"Hey yourself." Dean smiles. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm fine. How're you feeling?"

Dean chuckles. “I’m also fine, but got a hangover from drinking so much.”

Roman smiles, stroking his hair. “I’ll get you some pills for it soon. But first…I want to talk to you.”

“What is it?”

“About last night.”

"I don't want to talk about it." Dean says. "It's fine. Really."

"No, you didn’t seem fine last night and I know you still aren’t." Roman says. "You're still upset about it."

"I'm over it, let it go." Dean says, pushing his hand off him. "I'm not talking about it."

“Dean, please don’t push me away. Sami’s gift to you last night, our argument, you killing the goat, and what you said me…It can’t be forgotten about. Please talk to me.”

Dean stares back at him for a few moments. Roman's begging and him being so sincere, is slowly breaking his cold exterior that he puts up around other people. He wants so badly just to breakdown all his walls and just tell him everything. Reveal to him all of his hidden desires, his need to feed the darkest parts of himself. But he saw how much it scared Roman, how it made them have their first argument with each other. Could he so easily let him in more? Could he trust him not to leave?

“Alright, fine.” Dean finally says. “Talk.”

Roman sighed, trying to think of how he should start without making Dean angry. He didn’t want to have another fight with him. But he figured he would start with what caused the argument in the first place. “So make me understand. Why exactly do you need a gun?”

“You remember last night when I told that I imagined that goat as Baron, as everyone who has hurt me, right?”

“Yeah, I do. You said you also imagined it as yourself…”

Dean presses himself closer to him. “I’m not going to kill myself, Roman. I mean…I won’t say that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind at times. But its not because I’m unhappy, it’s because sometimes I just wish I could shut up my own mind, make myself normal. Off myself before I become someone that you would hate…”

“I could never hate you, De-”

“If I become a danger to others, to you, you will. I’m always fighting an inner battle with myself. There’s that part of me that wants to be good, live a long and happy life with you. And there’s a part of me that just wants to throw it all away and exact my revenge.”

“And which part of yourself are you giving into more?”

“If I tell you it’ll only scare you.” Dean whispers, holding onto him as tight as he could. He wanted things to remain this way, always being held by his lover. But he knows it can’t last forever. He can feel that it is breaking, slipping away from his very fingertips. If he wasn’t such a fucked up mess, then maybe he would know how to fix this. He looks up at Roman, through tear filled eyes. “Roman, I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. I don’t want to lose you, but if I get worse, then please, leave me. I don’t want to drag you down with me.”

“Dean,” He grabs Dean’s wrist, bringing his hand up to his face. The cuts on their palms were still fresh and still burned, but have stopped bleeding. Unlike the cuts, their love for each other would still bleed. They would bleed for each other. “You remember this, don’t you? A sign of our love for each other?”

Dean brings his other hand up to Roman's face, caressing his cheek. "I remember."

“I’m not going anywhere.” Roman leans in to kiss him. “I’m going to remain by your side no matter what choices you make. Do I wish you would get help? Of course. But I’m here to stay, and nothing you do or say is going to make me leave you.”

"I love you, Roman."

“And I love you. My angel.” He brings Dean’s palm up to his lips, kissing at the scar that was on there. “You may see yourself as this cold blooded monster, but I still see you as my angel. My sweet, broken angel. What I can do to make it right? To fix you?”

“You cannot fix me, Roman. You cannot save me. You can try, but in the end it is up to me to save myself.”

They lay on the bed for hours longer, just content in each others arms. It brings them comfort, being so close to one another. Neither want to bother with getting up anytime soon, but they know they must. Bringing the blanket with them, they both head to the bathroom together. They take a shower together, getting themselves cleaned up. Afterwards they get dressed and decide to head downstairs for some breakfast.

In the living room is Sami, who is sipping on a beer and watching a show on TV. He looks up, when he hears them. He gets up and joins them in the kitchen. Roman is sitting at the table, and Dean is busy, getting some eggs and bacon for them to eat.

“Morning guys.” He says, greeting them, and sitting at the table also.

"Oh hey." Dean glances at him. "Where's Leah?"

“I don’t know, she’s probably still asleep.” Sami groans, resting his head on the table. “She pissed me off, man. She got all bitchy with me when we got back last night.”

“What happened?”

“It’s her monthly time. Supposedly that’s why she’s been such a bitch to me these past few days. We sort of got into it before picking you and your boy up yesterday. She was taking too long to get ready and I told her to hurry up. Then she just snapped at me. So we started yelling at each other, I told her that she shouldn’t take out her anger on me and treat me like shit, because you know. I try to my best to keep her satisfied, make her happy. And that she should appreciate it that I was bringing her out here. She just told me to go fuck myself.”

“Damn…I’m glad I’d never dated her before. She seemed cool before I guess, before I found out how much shit she talks and how obnoxious she can be. That’s why I liked Renee better. She was actually cool and very chill.”

“Oh fuck off. I can’t help it. Her nice tits and blue hair is what attracted to me her.”

Dean chuckles, while preparing the eggs and bacon on the stove. Roman just sat at the table, listening to the both of them talk to each other. He did slightly agree with them that Leah didn’t seem like a very nice person, because of the way she talked about Dean last night. Still she was nice to him last night, but could have been doing that just to be polite.

“So, how did you get her to calm down?” Dean asks.

“I gave her the rest of the joint I had, you know how that shit calms her down.” Sami lifts up his head, yawning. “I don’t know, man. I’m only with her for the sex, but shit. I don’t think I can put up with her attitude anymore. I think when we get back I’m going to break it off with her.”

“Yeah, you don’t need that type of bullshit in your life. Plus you spend about half your money on her sometimes, and she still treats you like dirt.” Dean finishes getting breakfast ready, and grabs three plates from the cupboard. He puts the food on them, then grabs some forks, and brings two of the plates to the table. Setting one down for himself and Roman. “Just make sure she doesn’t get too pissed off when you do break up with her. Cause I know if she does, you’ll be texting me, telling me how it went down.”

Sami laughs, getting up to grab his plate. He comes back, and sits down at the table. “Yeah, and you’ll tell me that I should have known what I was getting myself into, right?”

“Yep.”

Sami shoves him playfully, then goes back to eating his food. “It’ll be a while before I get into another relationship. There isn’t anyone else who I want to be with, plus I don’t feel like putting up with anymore bullshit. I got my own shit to work on. Gotta find a new job. Selling these drugs ain’t cutting it out for me.”

The first part of what he said was a lie. He did have his eyes set on someone and that someone was Dean. They have been best friends since Dean was in middle school, having met Sami when he dropped out of high school at the age of seventeen. He was in the same grade that Dean is in now, eleventh grade. Before that he barely just passed tenth grade, and wasn’t doing very well in school, slacking in all of his classes and hardly ever showing up. When he met Dean, the kid was twelve year old, in sixth grade. They both had a lot in common, came from bad parts, shared a love for wrestling. Sami brought him to some indie shows that came to their city or were nearby. At most of these shows, death matches took place, a lot of violence, plus some drinking and drugs were done at some of these shows too. So he had to make a fake ID for the teen so that he could go with him.

They bonded over quite a bit of other stuff besides their love for the wrestling sport too. Their taste in music, which was some pretty heavy stuff. Metal, rock music and some other genres. They both had a thing for violence, but in different ways. Sami liked to beat on those who he thought were weaker and not as smart as him. He took advantage of some people he didn’t like, gaining their trust and betraying them. He did this because he thought he was better than his peers, who were fed a silver spoon in life, and basically never had to fight and survive for what they needed and wanted. As for Dean, he was angry with what he got handed in his short life. What he experienced at home, at school, it made him a very hurt and sorrowful person. He wouldn’t hurt just anybody, only those who had done him wrong and he would never take advantage of anyone. Also, Sami was a fan of horror movies, particularly ones in the snuff and torture category. He got off on seeing people get hurt, Where as Dean, he hated horror films, and the only films he watched that had some sort of violence in them would be thriller and action ones. If he were to get violent with someone, he wouldn’t get any pleasure from seeing them hurt, but knowing that he had overpowered his tormentor, for getting that sweet revenge.

Over time, Sami started to feel more for Dean than what he should. It wasn’t wrong to fall in love with your best friend, but since Dean was only a teenager it would be wrong in the eyes of the law. And still, even when the teen would finally become an adult, he knew that it wasn’t meant to be. Dean expressed how much he loved girls and had dated quite a few, his only serious girlfriend being Renee though. Still Sami couldn’t get over these feelings for his friend, and just everything about the teen made him want him so much. He saw a secret, taboo desire that Dean had. The young teen would hurt himself a lot, and not just in a way where he wanted to rid himself of the pain he felt, but to get himself off on it. Knowing this, made Sami want him more, but he knew if he acted upon these feelings he could get in trouble and also it might ruin his and Dean’s friendship. He would just to have settle with what he had with him.

But after Dean had got with Roman, things started to change. He feelings about whether they were meant to be or not. At first it surprised him to hear that Dean was in love with a guy. And with someone who was so different from him too. It was hard for him to watch how he spent time with Roman, how much he heard about how perfect he was. He wanted to be happy for his friend, but his jealousy wouldn’t let him. He saw how Roman made his friend feel, and he just wished he could take his place, be that very special person for Dean instead. He couldn’t let his jealousy get the best of him though. He just hoped that in time Dean would come to his senses and hopefully see what was right in front of him, what was there for him all along. What was more better him. And it certainly wasn’t some silly, nerd from his school.

After breakfast is finished, both Roman and Dean head outside, while Sami decides to head upstairs to take a shower. He would check on Leah later. Dean goes to sit on the porch steps, with Roman sitting beside him. The auburn haired teen is smoking a cigarette, a habit Roman wants him to quit, and he hopes that he will.

“Were the bacon and eggs good?” Dean asks, smiling at him.

"Yeah they were good, thanks." Roman replies with a nod, and a smile. “You’re a really good cook.”

“Eh, I’m not the best at it. But I try.” Dean says, throwing the cigarette away. “Mom taught me. Learned to from her. Had to do it more when she ended up in the hospital.”

Roman puts an arm around him, pulling him close. He can see its making Dean sad to talk about his mom. “I’m glad that you’re out of that situation. What was going on between you and your stepdad.”

“Me too.” Dean whispers, resting his cheek against Roman’s shoulder. “I don’t know how I would have gotten through it if you hadn’t have came into my life.”

Roman kisses his soft curls, rubbing his back. “I’m just glad it didn’t get worse for you. That…you didn’t end up dead…”

Dean looks up at him, grinning. “Its gonna take a lot more than that to kill me.”

“Yeah, you are right about that.” Roman ruffles his hair, and gives him a quick peck on his lips. “So, um…There was something else I wanted to talk about.”

“Yes?”

“The gun. Are you…going to keep it? Or are you just going to leave it with Sami?”

“Honestly, Rome. The answer I’m going to give you is one that you won’t like.”

“So, you’re keeping it?”

“Yeah. I just…I need it just in case. I hope you understand.”

“I guess I do. I don’t like it that you are going to keep it and I’m scared of what it is you plan to do with your future. I want you to get help, Dean. I-I don’t wanna lose you too.”

“I’m sorry…I wish it was so easy for me but it isn’t. I long to be normal, just like you. I don’t want to be this fucked up tragedy. So I’ll try. I’ll try my best to get help. Just don’t forget your promise to me if I fail. Don’t leave me.”

Roman closes his eyes and tightens his grip on him. “Never going to. You have my word. Also, don’t just get help because I want you to, but because you want to also. For yourself.”

“Alright. I will.” Dean stands up, pulling Roman up with him. “Come on. I think I should give the goat a proper burial. It’s the least I can do for it. Will you help me with that?”

“Yeah, I will.” Roman takes his hand, and follows him. He was glad that they were both okay. That they made up. He was so nervous and scared that Dean was going to leave him last night or be mad at him for a while. He was glad that they came to a compromise. Sure, he didn’t like it that Dean was going to keep the gun, but he could understand his reasoning for wanting to keep it. He just hoped that it wouldn’t come down to whatever it was Dean had planned. He didn’t know exactly what this plan was, but he had a feeling it would be an act of revenge. A very wicked and dangerous one. Not just for anyone that stood in his way, but for himself also.

_‘Heeeeyyyyy!!!_

_It’s been so long since I’ve wrote in this. Just a whole lot has been going on._

_I’m still not getting any better than what I should be. I’ve been distancing myself, hiding my emotions, my thoughts. This journal is the thing I can trust to keep my thoughts safe. But every time I look inside here, I can see that my sanity is slowly slipping away. I’ve been so depressed lately. Nothing around me feels real. I don’t know if its just me or if its those damn pills Sami gave to me earlier. Such colorful little things they were. At least I feel slightly at peace. I know it won’t last, but it makes me feel happy, if only for a moment._

_Some good kid I turned out be, huh? I’m just a piece of trash, like Corbin said. I’m good for nothing. No matter how hard I try, everyone always ends up abandoning me. Every person I have ever loved and cared for has left me. I don’t expect it to be any different with Roman. He keeps promising me that he’ll never leave, but I don’t know if I can believe him. Not after all I’ve been through. Promises mean nothing to me. Because they’re just empty words._

_My stepdad hated me, my teachers…I think they do too. They want me to grow up, stop feeling sorry for myself. How can I when they hate me so much? All they ever do is tear me down. How can I become a better person when life just keeps giving me shit? I have nothing. I have no way to support myself, no happiness left inside, I don’t have no one…I know in the end it’ll just be me on my own._

_All I just want is to love and be loved in return. I want to have a purpose, a goal in life. Something that make this endless suffering worth it. I just want to be normal. I want to be what Roman sees me as but it is not easy. If he can’t save me, how can I even know how to save myself?_

_Shit, after Roman leaves me what will be left for me? I’ll have nothing but my own pleasures and hobbies to keep me sane. That’s all that’ll be left for me, but it won’t be enough to satisfy me. I know what it is leading up to and I accept it. I was walked over and forgotten about, received no real help at all. They only want to help if they can get something in return._

_Soon I will make them pay for what they did. Nothing they can do or say will stop me. It’ll all be over for them. I can’t keep dwelling on what could’ve been or how my life should be. I need to light up that spark and keep feeding that raging fire inside me._

_This is what I should’ve expected as soon I knew that my life was going to shit. Anything that is pure and beautiful in this world, people will always find a way to break it. To taint it with their cruel ways. This is why I have gone insane, lost in my asylum._

_Oh, Roman. I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who you can find true happiness with. I’ll only bring you down with me and you don’t need that. I don’t want you to end up getting hurt because of me._

_I know the time will come to where I’ll be alone. No one there to stop me, to hold me back. I’ll be the last one standing after all of the bloodshed. And I’ll put a pistol to my head and pray that God will forgive me.’_


End file.
